Opening Up and Speaking Out: My Voice, My Purpose

"My husband died in a plane crash with his father 16 months ago."  

That phrase always enters a conversation within the first few minutes. I watch the shock enter their faces, and they quickly offer an, 

"I'm so sorry."  

"It's okay," I reply.

 Then I begin to explain how our family is getting through this.  I tell them about my kids and our faith and about me blogging and trying to help others with their grief.  I share stories about Scott and my knowledge that we chose this trial. I share my spiritual experiences and testify of things that I know to be true now.

Why do I do this? 

I think at first, I just really wanted to talk about him. My kids hated that I would talk about dad with just about anyone, but I just couldn't help it.  I wanted everyone to know what a great guy he was.  I found that sharing helped me to feel better.  Not only that, but I found that people left me feeling inspired.  They wanted to be better husbands and fathers. They wanted to be kinder, and they wanted to know how in the world we were handling all of this.

Is it because I just can't get over my grief? 

On the contrary, it's because reaching out and sharing with others with the intent of helping them brings me peace and understanding. It helps me feel the love of the Lord in my life. 

This is what is healing me.

So in the grocery store, at the gas station, on the airplane, or just about anywhere I can strike up a conversation, these words come out of my mouth.
 
(My boys can even mockingly do my spiel in a high pitched voice... very funny actually)

Some people think I'm probably totally crazy bearing my soul to complete strangers ( I know my kids sometimes do!) However, I find that

Putting the Pieces Together and Learning How to Fly Solo

Putting the Pieces Together and Learning How to Fly Solo

This journey is about so much more than grief. After I got through the deep heart wrenching pain, and came to terms with the death of my husband, I had to figure out the next step for my life.

What does it look like from here on out? 

Well, I can tell you this for sure. It doesn't look anything like it used to!

At first that seemed really bad. I spent some time grieving for the life I should of had. Then it was kind of scary because I was just not sure which way to go by myself. 

That's when I turned to God for direction. 

In all reality, I would REALLY like Him to this show me the whole path that my life is going to take, but faith doesn't work that way. I've learned that He wants me to trust Him  and look to Him each day for direction.  He wants me to turn my will over to Him...to say 

"Whatever you have in store for me I will do it, 

because I know that's the best way for me to grow."

You see, I've come to the realization that this experience happened to me so that I could BECOME someone BETTER than I was. It happens to me so I could DO more than I was DOING.

I was reading a previous post, CHANGING DRIVERS, where I said,