Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones?

I know of several people who are experiencing severe trials in their lives right now. Their circumstances have made me reflect on the things our family has faced. I have been reminded of the pain, the struggles, the questions... the really hopeless times. Then I have thought of all of the experiences that have come because of those hard things. I've looked at how my faith and trust in God has grown these past 4 years. I've noticed how fear controls a much smaller portion of my life and how my desire to control my circumstances and other people has diminished. I can see that I am better at feeling peace, better at loving others, better at dealing with my trials.

One truth I have learned is that Severe Trials have the propensity to propel you forward.

The stones in our path can be stumbling blocks or stepping stones. How we choose to view them and use them makes all of the difference.

I'm grateful for the truth I know that has allowed me to eventually see those stones as positive ways to move forward. As I approach year four on this journey, my goal is to not get tripped up by the stones in the path, but to use them to propel me forward. My goal is to feel more joy in life and to allow Christ to resorb some of the sorrow.

This summer I had all of my kids home for the first time in three years. All of the loss and waiting has taught me that I have much to be grateful for. As I have focused on the good in my life, I have found the power to get over those stones is much greater. Lately, I have noticed that they seem smaller. I have wondered if my eyes are playing tricks on me. Perhaps with all of the climbing, my legs have finally gotten stronger. Either way, I've also noticed that the weight in my pack doesn't seem as heavy when I let go of the negative thoughts that pull me down and focus on the lighter thoughts of gratitude.

Trials can strengthen you and gratitude can lift you. What we do with the things we are given makes all of the difference.

I hope today that my thoughts give you something to reflect on.

• How can you look at the stones in your life differently? 
• What role can gratitude play in helping you overcome those hurdles before you?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

The Attitude of Being Grateful in all Things, Even in the Hard Times

The Attitude of Being Grateful in all Things,

 Even in the Hard Times

The holidays are always a difficult time of year for those who have suffered loss.  It is so easy to go to the past and to think of happier days, focus on the loss, and spiral downward in self-pity.  This quote came to my inbox yesterday and it reminded me of an important principle...

"It's easy to be grateful for things when life seems to be going our way.  But what then of those times when what we wish for seems to be far out of reach?  Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation?  In other words, I'm suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances- whatever they may be." - Dieter F Uchtdorf

I can choose my disposition.  

I can choose my attitude.  

I can choose my focus.

Even though my life is not the picture perfect one that I long to have, I can find things to be thankful for.  When I focus on those things or my blessings, then I view life in a new perspective.  The gray of the day seems to wash away.  Things are clearer and I can find pockets of joy again. 

Here is a little snip-it from that same talk.  I love how he talks about putting down the goblet of bitterness in favor of the goblet of gratitude...

When I choose to be grateful, I find that sweet drink that is full of healing, peace and understanding. 

Is this easy to do in the beginning?

NO, OF COURSE NOT!

But, in the end IT IS SO MUCH EASIER.

That choice makes a huge difference every day that I make it, and the days that I don't are much harder to deal with.  

The challenge then is to find things to be grateful for everyday, not just around Thanksgiving.  In so doing we will free ourselves of many burdens and gain strength to reach out and do good in this world.  

Share some things that you are thankful for...

Random Acts of Kindness: Share Your Light and Get it Back in Return

Random Acts of Kindness

When you share your light, you get more back than you give in return

I found a new little way to give service today, and it just really brightened my day. I find myself looking for these opportunities all the time now.  These small acts lift my spirits and help me to not only be happy, but to feel JOY again. It was easy and simple and I thought,  

"Wow, I could do this more often!... I need to do this more often!  I have to be more aware and look for these opportunities.  I need to pray to find them."

Service helps to heal me!

This is so opposite of all of the advice I got when my husband died...

"Take more time for yourself... Take it easy... Go watch a movie, Get a massage, Indulge yourself."

It was all about ME, ME, ME.

Honestly, those things band-aided the problem for the moment, but did not move me forward.  They brought TEMPORARY pleasure, but not lasting JOY or HAPPINESS.

(I am not advocating that you don't take time to do positive things for yourself to help the healing process.  Studying and reading books that taught me how to heal,  journaling and pondering were all key components that helped me to process the tragedy of my husband's death, but reaching out to lift others is what has really helped me to heal.)

Back to my experience today...

I decided I needed to take dinner over to a friend who has been under a lot of stress trying to raise a large family and go to school at the same time. Knowing the size of their family, I determined that a few Papa Murphy's pizzas should do the trick. It was still early in the morning, about 10:30, when I arrived at the store. The door was locked. Frustrated, I looked for the store hours to see when it opened. 

"Gosh, darn it! Not until 11:00"… Sigh… 

"I guess I have to come back later this afternoon."

As I was standing there contemplating, an employee from the back hurried up to the front and unlocked the door. I said, 

"Oh,  I'm sorry. I know,  you don't open until 11:00." 

I completely expected her to tell me to come back later.  Instead, she replied, 

"That's okay. Come in. We're here anyway."  

I was so surprised! Normally employees wait until the last minute to open the doors not wanting to have to do anymore work than they are officially contracted to do. Both girls in the store cheerfully made my pizzas. I told them about the family I was helping. She handed me my order with a cheerful smile, I went to walk out the door, and then a thought popped into my mind,

 "You should thank her." 

So I told her how much I appreciated that they had gone the extra mile to help me that morning and how unusual I thought it was. I told her what great employees I thought they were.  Again I went to leave, but a second thought entered my mind, 

"You should write a note to their manager to let him know what great employees he has." 

I remembered how much my husband appreciated good employees and how good he was about thanking them everyday.  I asked for some paper, and on the back of an order form, I  jotted down a quick note.  As I left I felt so good about the interaction. Good because they had served me, and because I had done something kind in return.

As I drove home, I thought how easy it would be to NOTICE when people do extra kind things for me, to verbally THANK them, and then to write a note to their supervisor if possible. I thought, 

"Sure, it might take a little extra time, but I bet those girls will have an awesome day when they give their manager the note." 

That's worth a little extra time... 

 Isn't it?

A little LIGHT… 

All it takes is ONE little light shining in the darkness.

As we share that light, others began to let their light shine. 

How much light can you spread  today? 

Here's my favorite 'get up and dance' song about spreading a little light and pushing back the dark.

Pushing Back the Dark- Josh Wilson

Try to spread a little light today and then come back and post. 

I would love to hear all the great ideas that are out there.

How Do You Give Thanks in All Things?

How Do You Give Thanks in All Things?

I have told people before that I am grateful for this trial.  That statement is either received with looks of shock or awe.  I do not intend to inspire either feeling, but to convey my understanding for the purpose of trials.

The year before Scott died, I wanted to be a better person. I was praying to be a better person, praying for more charity, for more empathy, for me to feel more love for others in my life.  I was praying to feel for settled and at peace with my life, for a feeling of purpose and acceptance with God.  I was trying to achieve those things to.  Going through the motions of listening to more spiritual things, forcing myself to do more service, but I didn't feel that I was moving anywhere.  Then my husband died.....

At first I thought, did I pray for this trial to happen?  In time I  have concluded that is not the way that God works;  this trial was part of a master plan formed long before the words of those prayers.  The desires in those prayers were simply the Spirit prompting me to prepare my heart for the things I needed to learn.

Looking back a year ago at my last Thanksgiving, I see a tremendous change in myself.  Not just in the grief, because that was truly profound at that time, but in the person who existed before the accident.  

I am not that same girl... and I am glad for that.  

I am thankful that the girl who has replaced her is further along the road in obtaining those desires that I was praying for.  I thankful that she is more in tune to the spirit and what the Lord wants her to do.  I am thankful to be living each day with faith and hope in the Lord's plan for my life.

I would like to share some quotes and scriptures given by Dallin H Oaks in a conference talk back in 2003.  Elder Oaks is well aquainted with trials, having lost his father at a young age and then later in life his wife.  Elder Oaks watched his young widowed mother's example.  This is what he said of her...

"Nevertheless, I often heard her say that the Lord consecrated that affliction for her gain because her husband’s death compelled her to develop her talents and serve and become something that she could never have become without that seeming tragedy. Our mother was a spiritual giant, strong and fully worthy of the loving tribute her three children inscribed on her headstone: “Her Faith Strengthened All.”

Last March I attended an LDS Widows/ Widowers conference in Utah where Elder Oak's older brother spoke of his mother.  His words inspired me at the time to put myself back together and start to set a better example of faith.  Elder Oaks went on in his talk to share some scriptures...

"The revelations, for which we are grateful, show that we should even give thanks for our afflictions because they turn our hearts to God and give us opportunities to prepare for what God would have us become. " 

The Lord taught the prophet Moroni, “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble,” and then promised that “if they humble themselves … and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).  

In the midst of the persecutions the Latter-day Saints were suffering in Missouri, the Lord gave a similar teaching and promise: “Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;… and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good” (D&C 98:1, 3). 

And to Joseph Smith in the afflictions of Liberty Jail, the Lord said, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:7). 

Brigham Young understood. Said he, “There is not a single condition of life [or] one hour’s experience but what is beneficial to all those who make it their study, and aim to improve upon the experience they gain”  

If we truly understand the Lord’s teachings and promises, we will learn and grow from our adversities. We will let them change and refine us into better people.  Instead of just persevering through our trials we will actively allow them to purify us.  

"When we give thanks in all things, we see hardships and adversities in the context of the purpose of life. We are sent here to be tested. There must be opposition in all things. We are meant to learn and grow through that opposition, through meeting our challenges, and through teaching others to do the same."

That process of teaching and helping others bring fulfillment and joy into our lives.  We feel God's love more fully!  We understand that our life here is not about acquiring things and self- gratification, but about acquiring the ability to unselfishly love and serve others.

So I am filled with gratitude for so many things.  I feel to fall to my knees daily to thank that Lord for the many blessings that He has given me.  I do not feel slighted; I feel blessed. I know that I will see my husband again, and that will be a glorious, wonderful reunion.  I look forward to that day with hope, yet I remain committed to finish my work here while he is doing his there.  I am committed to letting this trial and future trials shape me into the woman who will be able to fall at her Savior's feet and express her appreciate to Him who has given her everything.

Tender Mercies

Tender Mercies 

We do family scripture study every morning before the kids leave at 6:00 for early morning seminary (a high school scripture study class before school.)  I always get up and make breakfast at 5:45 so we can read and have family prayers before they have to leave.  I don't worry about how much we get through, but I read until I find a teaching principle.  If I look for it, I always find something that I can expound on.  This morning I felt a particular prompting to expound on the last sentence of 1 Nephi 1:20. (We just started the Book of Mormon over this morning!)  It says....

 20 And when the Jews heard these things they were angry with him; yea, even as with the prophets of old, whom they had ^acast out, and stoned, and slain; and they also ^bsought his life, that they might take it away. But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender ^cmercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of ^ddeliverance.

I repeated that last sentence and then I said, "This is the first time that Nephi talks directly to us in the Book of Mormon.  He is telling us his purpose in writing it.  By sharing his story and experiences, he wants us to learn how the Lord can bless and strength us through our difficulties and trials.  He is a great example because he shows us that it is important to look for those blessings in our lives and not only notice them but write them down." I also pointed out, "Noticing those tender mercies leads us to have greater faith in the Lord because we actually see and acknowledge His hand in our lives. That faith allows the Lord to make our burdens light even to the extent of eventually delievering us from them." I reminded them of the story of the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon who were held captive by the Lamanites, but whose faith allowed the Lord to give them a tender mercy until the time of their deliverance.  The verse reads...

Mosiah 24:15

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord. 

I challenged everyone to look for a tender mercy in their life today that they could share with the family at dinner. Then I said our family prayer.  In the prayer I felt impressed to add, "Help us to remember to look for daily tender mercies and share them with each other and then keep them in a family journal."  The idea just popped into my head so I included it in the prayer.  I was reminded of a talk that Elder Eyring gave about a similar family journal, and as I said goodbye and sent my children off with their lunch I resolved that I would post about this experience and look up the talk when I finished with my morning run.

As I was beginning to write this,

Overcoming Murmuring: Remaining Productive and Positive in Times of Trial

Overcoming Murmuring: 

Remaining Productive and Positive in Times of Trial

So Saturday night I vented on my LDS Widows/ Widowers Facebook group about my loneliness and the lack of ability to date anyone because of my geographical location. I posted...

" Frustrated, frustrated, frustrated- not feeling very positive tonight. . Especially when I am waiting up for my senior to get home from his second date this weekend! Did I mention that I was frustrated! "

I was definitely joining the 'murmur brothers.'

First,  let me take a step back and tell you who the 'murmur brothers' are so you can understand the rest of this post if you are not LDS.  In the Book of Mormon, a prophet Lehi tells his family that he has seen a vision and that Jerusalem is going to be destroyed.  The Lord warns him to take his family and leave.  They were very wealthy and all of the boys were not very excited about leaving their property in favor of living in a tent in the wilderness.  All of them complain or murmur against their father.  However, the youngest brother, Nephi, humbles himself and prays to know the Lord's will.  He is given a witness that what he father said was true and he changes his attitude.  His older brother never humble themselves and ask God.  Throughout the journey the older brothers, Laman and Lemuel,  are constantly complaining and rebelling against their father.  So for my children, I have labeled these two as the "murmur brothers.'

Back to my story...I went to bed and decided to pray for some direction.  Here is the key to overcoming murmuring... BE LIKE NEPHI  Nephi changes from murmuring when he HUMBLES himself and decides to pray for some direction from the Lord.  When we murmur we are being prideful.  Why?  because we are setting our will against the Lord's.  That's the definition of pride: a lack or absence of humility or teachableness.  Pride sets people in opposition to each other and to God.  I hadn't really thought of murmuring as a form of pride before; but it is.  If we humble ourselves and become meek, being willing to turn our will over to the Lord, we place ourselves in the position to feel the Spirit and to know His will.  He will not tell us what to do until we are actually willing to do it.  Learning to turn my will over to the Lord has been the major reoccurring lesson that I have been learning the last 11 months.  Sometimes I think the Lord is trying to beat it in my head!  As a result of that, I have done a lot of study and pondering on the idea of turning my will over to the Lord and really honestly accepting His will as the best plan.  So after deciding that I needed to get my attitude back in line with the Lord's plan for my life and after praying that night and then fasting and praying the next day, I was lead to talk to a single lady at church.  I expressed my frustration with the single scene and she quickly concurred with me.  As we talked I felt that I should ask her if she wanted to do something on a weekend night.  She was thrilled.  I then suggest that another lady in our ward who is about my age and who is divorced join us as well.  As it just so happened, after sacrament meeting she was in the hall.  I mentioned the get together to her and she was also interested.  I realized that the Lord had answered my prayer.  Now while I was waiting upon the Lord for his timing for me to date, my time could be productively filled by being a friend to these two ladies.  Not only did the Lord give me something productive to do, but he gave me a way to feel less lonely.  Waiting patiently on the Lord is really, really hard.  It's so hard not to get discouraged and complain, but if we will try to turn our will to HIm he can lighten that burden for us.  He can actually make the waiting enjoyable.

 I have had this quote pulled to use in a post sometime, and I think this is the one to use it in.

 "But, brothers and sisters, what keeps us from knowing and loving Him more? Our reluctance to give away all our sins—thinking, instead, a down payment will do. Likewise, our reluctance to let our wills be swallowed up in His will—thinking, instead, that merely acknowledging His will is sufficient!" (see Mosiah 15:7). (2002 October General Conference, Encircled in the Arms of His Love, Sat. Morning Session - Neal A. Maxwell)

I also think that the 6th principle of Richard G Scott's book covers this beautifully as well.  I haven't blogged that yet, but I will try to tomorrow.  He talks about the questions we should ask that show willingness to accept the Lord's will instead of being contrary to it.  So look for principle 6 tomorrow.

I'm the Lucky one....

I'm the Lucky one....

  
9/30/2013

Saturday morning I got up at first light to go for my favorite 20 mile bike ride.  Normally I would drag my kids along with me, but this morning I wanted to think, so I left them sleeping.  We have some wonderful trails and the weather was beautiful and just the perfect temperature for a ride.  

I like to use the time in the morning to ponder.  

As I flew down the hill leaving my house... the wind was blowing my hair back, and I felt this happy content feeling as I sucked in the crisp autumn air. My mind was drawn back to my thoughts on a prior bike ride and while skiing last Christmas.  I remembered hearing the words in my mind,

"Just enjoy it for me.  Breathe it in and soak it up." 

When my husband first died I remember thinking that he was so lucky not to have to deal with everything here that was stressing my life. 

I complained and fretted and wished desperately 

that our roles had been reversed... 

that I would be enjoying the peace of heaven. 

I felt so poorly equipped to deal with sons and finances and legal issues.  

Thoughts on Gratitude and parenting aug 5, 2013

Thoughts on Gratitude and Parenting

Aug 5, 2012

I need to do a better job of recording the things I'm grateful for in my journal... 

I've been keeping a separate list, and I've been doing a much better job in my prayers, but I think I should also include things I'm grateful for in my letters to my missionary son in Chile and in my journal entries. Today the Lord held back the rain so we could do the work we needed to on the path.  I had two good helpers to help me get the work done. (R and E). I am grateful for the opportunities to work side-by-side with my children. I thought today of R as a mother, and how she will have much more confidence to take care of things in her yard and home because of her experience working with me. I thought of E and how he is looking stronger, and how working is helping him to become a man. We do not have a idle time.  It is good to work hard and be sore and exhausted at the end of today. I read that same sentiment in my husband's missionary journal today. How alike we are! The two of us together were always quite a team. He would say that. I guess we still are.

Sometimes I worry about the future for my kids. I worry about their mistakes, I worry about them falling away from God,  I worry about them not being able to provide for their families. I need to have faith that a Lord will help them find the way. As a parent you want to protect your children, and you want everything to turn out perfect for them. But I guess if their life was perfect, they wouldn't learn very much. They have to have life experiences that will teach them the things that they need to learn to become the people God wants them to become. In the end that's all that really matters. This life isn't about having the perfect experience. It's about going through a lot of hard stuff that teaches you a lot of hard lessons- yet learning to find joy in the journey of it all.  Now isn't that the biggest challenge of all? 

Now more gratitude. I'm grateful that these people are coming to see our house. I will probably be more grateful if it all works out, but even if it doesn't, I will find things to be grateful for. It was the motivation to get the path fixed for spring. It gave me hope that there are people out there still looking. It helped me to see that I can move into a rental for the rest of the year.  It also gave me some experience in dealing with realtors. I will be smarter next time.  I am really grateful for all the opportunities I have to share spiritual insights through social media. It's a way I can feel the  spirit and feel like I'm contributing everyday. I don't feel so selfish about my personal study. It's a chance to put my candle on the hill instead of under a bushel. I'm grateful for the awesome experience I'm  having with my scripture study. I'm getting so much out of journaling every verse. I'm so excited for my time to sit down with the scriptures and to see what I'm going to learn. I want to be able to understand everything right now and just get all the inspiration I can get, but I know the Lord has to give us line upon line and give us time to act and internalizes those principles. My impatience shows through. I'm grateful for Monday gymnastic lessons, because I get to walk for an hour and dictate my journal or listen to a conference talk. I love time to walk alone and think especially when I can talk out loud. I can talk to Scott sometimes and I feel like we are going out to walk together. I'm grateful for the little impressions the Lord gives me about my future, and has always given me. It's good for me to have time to think it out and prepare and plan before hand. I can be more steady when the actual situation happens. 

Gratitude journal - march 21, 2013

My 1:00- 3:00 Epiphany...

March 21, 2013

My 1:00- 3:00 am epiphany...

I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep so I felt impressed to start a...

gratitude journal. 

I have been praying lately that 'I would see the hand of The Lord in my life each day' and this idea  answered that prayers. 

I'm finding ways to be grateful for things that I previously felt were curses. For example, last night I wrote,

"I'm grateful that I had an MRI of my knee and went to physical therapy the month before Scott died when we still had insurance because now I know the exercises to do to help it." 

(Previously I was upset that God wasn't letting me run pain free when I felt like I at least deserved that after all of this tragedy). 


My house selling has been a huge stress in my life, and I have struggled being patient with the time it is taking to sell it. Today I wrote... 

"I'm grateful my house hasn't sold yet because it has given me the time to slowly say goodbye, to sell things, organize and purge things, and to be able to focus on my kids instead of moving."

Gratitude is a way of looking at things.

As my dear husband used to say... 

"It's impossible to be grateful and depressed at the same time." 

  

One of my favorite speaker talked about Gratitude.  He said...

"We can choose to be grateful, no matter what.

This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer.

When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, 

we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation. 

In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. In pain, we can glory in Christ’s Atonement. In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.

We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. 

How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?

Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges."

-Grateful in Any Circumstances BY PRESIDENT DIETER F. UCHTDORF