As I have fought and struggled with feelings of loneliness, I have questioned, "What is the purpose of the pain and suffering that so many of us feel from lost or non-existanting relationships?" I have wondered, "Am I having this experience because I need to learn to like being alone?
I have concluded that loneliness is not completely bad. It can give us opportunities for personal growth and to reach out and serve others in ways that I don't think we do when we are busy with lots of personal relationships. Loneliness can push us out of our comfort zone and can help us to look beyond ourselves with new found empathy.
But ultimately, what if the purpose of loneliness is to teach us something completely else?
What if loneliness is to teach us NOT to prefer to be alone? What if loneliness is to teach us to finally be able to set aside personal differences and intolerances so that we can be in better relationships in the future?
The more I think about it, the more I believe that being alone is very contrary to our nature. Babies naturally opposed it. They want to be swaddled, snuggled and embraced. In fact babies who are void of loving contact can even cease to thrive and die. We need our connection with others. We crave it and desire to be deeply understood. Yet this life experience is fraught with periods of loneliness .
Despite this deep internal desire, often it is the very things within our character that push us away from others. As we grow, our image of self emerges, and we struggle to find a balance between our desires and the desires of others. Through experience we find that we cannot find happiness by fulling our own personal desires alone. As much as we desire independence, the truth is, if we want to have loving relationships that fulfill our needs, we need to learn to be interdependent.
That means making personal sacrifices for the good of others that we care about.
As we struggle and feel loneliness, those feelings can increase our desire to not only have companionship again, but to be better companions ourselves. Our losses can compel us to make changes that allow our cherished relationships to become even stronger. Many have heard the phrase, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Suffering, if honed for that purpose, can help our hearts expand in their capacity to feel and express love. In turn we become more patient, forgiving and long-suffering toward others.
Loneliness can not only improve our ability to have better relationship with people, but it can help us desire to be closer to God. When we separate ourselves from Him through disobedience and selfishness, tI believe the loss we feel is loneliness for His presence in our lives. That loneliness also can compel us to change, to repent and be more obedient.
Ultimately I believe our souls are lonely for God and our relationship with Him. Like prodigal sons we all eventually come to ourselves and miss home. We miss and long to be back with Him and that is the incentive we need to reclaim that relationship.
As it is Easter Sunday tomorrow, I have been thinking of the loneliness that Christ felt in his last days. In His most difficult hour, one by one all of his support system left Him. Falling on his face in prayer, he was "sorrowful unto death," and surprised by the intensity of feelings enhanced by the withdrawal of his friends and then finally His Father. Crying with feelings of loneliness and pain, He asked, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" Never before had Christ felt the absence of His Father's presence. Having been perfectly obedient, He had always enjoyed that comfort. Yet to be able to succor us, He had to experience what we feel when we personally disconnect ourselves from God.
Despite the pain Christ persevered. He held on and overcame. His faith propelled Him through this intense experience, and in so doing He gained the power to be able to help each of us through our own struggles with loneliness, personal sin, and tragedy. His example gives me courage and it gives me strength to try to do the same. With His help I know that is possible.
Even when we feel alone, we can remember that Christ promised to not leave us alone. Although the Father withdrew His presence from His Son for a moment, I do not believe He was very far away. He did it just for long enough that Christ could push through the finish line and grab the prize. Exerting all of the faith within Him, in final triumph He proclaimed, "Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit." (Luke 23:46)
We must do likewise in out moments of struggle. We must push forward in faith and put ourselves in the hands of God. In so doing we will find our own prize of expanded hearts.
"One of the great consolation of the Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path- the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved son, the consulate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets, and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the trust that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said:"I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you]." (John 14:18,23) - Jeffery R HollandI will choose to let my loneliness school my desires. I will choose to let it draw me closer to Him. What will you let life's difficult experiences do for you?
Since this is also new to me I’m not sure what life experiences are able to do for me. So far I have learned to be an independent single mother now that my husband has passed.
ReplyDeleteMy husband Steve would plan all of our trips, pay all of our bills, pay the taxes, take care of the medical insurance, he basically did everything and I would ask him if I can help. And he would always say he did not want me to have to do those things because they were stressful and he just wanted me to not have to worry about them.
My husband Steve would plan all of our trips, pay all of our bills, pay the taxes, take care of the medical insurance, he basically did everything and I would ask him if I can help. And he would always say he did not want me to have to do those things because they were stressful and he just wanted me to not have to worry about them.
But because he did that, even though his intentions were pure and good. It’s somewhat handicapped me when he died because I knew nothing of medical insurance and how it worked, I know nothing about taxes, I did not have a job because he was very successful, and I did all the stuff with the kids, taking them to school picking them up, shopping for them, attending school activities, cooking dinner at Night for them and breakfast in the morning. I was so busy with the kids I really didn’t have time for a job. Even though before I met Steve I always worked.
Now I am in the position that I need to get a job. But I have been out of the workforce for 10 years. I think who is going to hire me now? I haven’t worked in so long. I’m completely out of the game it feels. I do have a degree from Texas A&M university in ecology. But I’ve never utilized it. I am 37 years old and I feel I am capable of getting a job that you utilizes my degree but I need to take some special courses to catch up to the real world.
The experiences that have impacted me, since my husband died. Have been having to learn all of these situations that I had no clue how to do before. Like taxes, insurance, paying bills on time. I had to move from the house we shared into a smaller house and I had to find the house by myself but with the help with my realtor who is also my best friend. We found the perfect home, but I had to take care of all the legal work by myself. I have had some of Steve’s attorney friends help me along the way.
Some of these experiences have been liberating to me as a single mother and a woman. Because it is things that I have never had to do before, and I am now having to learn them. It sometimes makes me feel good about myself that I have done these things and set certain goals and accomplish them.