The One Thing I Need Right Now...

With Christmas done I’ve been thinking about the new year and all of the changes that we are going to be making. I'm putting my house on the market at the end of January, selling most of the things I own, and moving out to a small condo by my kids in Utah.  I won't have seminary or yard work to keep me busy, and I will be leaving friends, extended family and everything I've known and am comfortable with. I don't know where all of this will lead, but it's something I have felt for a while now that God wants me to do.  For me it's a huge step in the dark, or rather a leap off the cliff into the abyss.

If I allow myself, fear can start to creep in and make me worry about how everything is going to work out. This morning I turned to the words of a man I greatly admire, Gordon B Hinckley. He reminded me about the power of faith. Faith in Jesus Christ and in His power to deliver us always dispels fear, and it gives us actual power to move forward and make things happen. When we know we are doing is what God wants us to do, then we can confidently expend our effort, knowing that He will have our back.

A few days ago, I was putting together scrapbook pages as a Christmas present for my kids. On one of the pages, I pasted a picture of my 8 year-old son, Cooper, lifting a heavy barbell. The photograph captured perfectly Cooper’s singleminded effort and determination.  I know all the power to lift that bar didn’t come just from Cooper’s will. I remembered watching Scott help them learn how to lift.  He placed his hands on the bar as well.  He made them struggle through each repetition, but at key moments he provided the additional strength that the boys had not yet acquired so that they could successfully complete their task.

If we can just remember that our Father In Heaven also desires to help us lift heavy burdens in our life, we will have the power to expend our energy with full confidence that the bar will rise.

Paul wrote to Timothy: “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord” (2 Tim. 1:7–8).

When all is said and done Faith is our “only genuine and lasting hope"... and that great "moving power can change our lives.” - G B Hinckley

In our moments of struggling, that concept can be difficult to remember.  I think it is human nature to want to know the end from the beginning, but God's ways are not our ways. Like a headlamp in a dark cave, God’s pattern is to give us just enough information to light the path a few steps in front of us. Even though we cannot see very far ahead, He expects us to take steps forward, trusting that the light will move with us and continue to illuminate our path.

Complaining and wishing to know more will not change God’s pattern. 

• The Red Sea did not part until the children of Israel had their feet in its waters and pharaoh’s army in hot pursuit at their backs.
• The 5000 were not fed until all of the food that could be found was given to the Lord.
• The woman with the issue of blood was not healed until she reached in faith for the Savior's hem

Over and over again in the scriptures, God expects us to act in faith before the miracle occurs. 

Why is this His pattern?

Making us expend our effort first grows our faith.

So when my faith muscle begins to tremble and feels like it's going to give out, I try to remember the promise of this same wise man who practiced using his faith for 97 years.

“It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us.” -Gordon B Hinkley

I know in my life, God has never forsaken me.  Help has always come when it was desperately needed, and it will come again.  All I have to do, is take my first step in the dark. 

Still in the Storm

For some reason I have recently had several challenges that have caused me to struggle with feelings of anxiety. In my previous post I shared how I overcame those feelings by Trusting God.

Trusting God was the subject of our most recent video conversation for the website. In the video, Ashlee shared a beautiful visualization that she uses to cope with triggers. She told how she removes herself from the situation and goes into her closet to pray when feelings of anxiety and panic start to surface. As she prays, she consciously remembers moments from her past when she has felt turmoil and then felt comforted. She visualizes the Savior coming to her in those moments and embracing her, protecting her, and aiding her. Then she brings her mind forward to her present concerns and sees those same loving arms surrounding her.

Visualization can be a powerful tool to help you recenter your emotions and re-connect back with the spirit. When we feel anxiety, stress, and turmoil we are disconnected from the help that God can give us. Only as we remember Him and put our trust and faith in Him can He bring us back to a place of peace.

I was praying the other night for help to feel peace about a situation that was completely out of my control but that was causing me to feel a lot of turmoil. As I prayed I saw myself standing in the middle of a blizzard. The snow and the wind was howling all around me. The snow was pelting my face and I was desperate to find shelter and warmth. I searched to no avail. The storm was so blinding that nothing could be seen through the snow. Then I dropped to my knees and began to pray. I watched as the snow began to pull away from me and circle around me, leaving a calm place in the center where I was kneeling. The storm was swirling violently around me, yet as I knelt in the eye of that storm, I felt no wind, no cold, no pelting snow. It was peaceful and calm.

In that moment I had a picture in my mind that I could return to. 

I could see how in the midst of the storm I could be calm;

 I could still feel peace.

When those feelings have begun to return, I remember that picture. I remember the stillness. After listening to Ashlee, I have added a new element to that picture. Now I think of someone wrapping His arms around me. Now I see who is calming the storm.

It would be nice if life from here on out would be void of storms. It would be nice to enjoy sunny tropical days, but somehow I do not feel that is the purpose of this existence. The test and the challenge is to learn how to feel peace even when the world is falling apart around us.

So I challenge you to find that picture, the one that can help you recenter, and when you feel the storm encroaching, go to that place of peace. Trust in the Prince of Peace. Then when you find it and you feel it, move forward in faith to do good things despite the chaos that is around you.

Questions to ponder:

1. How can visualization help you recenter?
2. When circumstances are beyond your control what can you focus on to help you avoid becoming paralyzed by the storm?

Finally Taking that Step Forward

After months of anxiety and worry, I finally took a step forward and did something that I was petrified to do. Yesterday we made the first video in a series called "Talking about Grief and Loss" for our website! For a long time now, I have known that we needed to do these, but I was absolutely petrified. I didn't know the first thing about making videos, how we would fund them, what we would say, and how I could organize the whole thing from Missouri.

The logistics involved and personally feeling self-conscious was causing me real panic. Even after following promptings to blog and create this website I was struggling following this new and scary idea. I had hit a wall. My confidence was wavering and so I just kept dragging my feet.

Ignoring this prompting, I kept praying, "What am I supposed to do next?" I felt stuck and directionless with no new ideas were coming in, and I was quickly loosing my purpose. I rationalize that it was just the stress and emotions surrounding the holidays and my son's wedding, but that all ended and I found myself still staring at the wall.

I finally realized I wasn't going to get anything new until I followed through on the direction I had already received. Somehow I had hoped that I could bypass that prompting and get something else to do instead.

No luck.

Fortunately for me, God is patient and kind and He gave me little experiences to confirm my original feelings and to get me going. Miraculously, I met a widow who showed me how to use Google hangouts on Air to do exactly what we wanted to do without any cost.

One problem was solved...

Now I just needed to move past my fear. Fortunately my two friends, were feeling the same prompting and they nudged me a long.

Again and again I learn...

The first step in the dark is always the hardest one.

It's the one that demonstrates trust in God and faith in the direction He has given us. I was waiting for something to just fall in my lap or for an easier way, but that's not how faith works. It's not how it grows.

And so we decided to try...

On our first attempt we couldn't get Ashlee's audio to work. I was frustrated and I felt that we were being thwarted. After several hours we gave up on recording and decided to just do a dry run on the phone. As we talked about our topic, I felt reassured. I could see that this was going to work. We ended the session with each of us having assignments to pray for help to figure out our technical difficulties.

On our second attempt the previous problems were solved, but we faced some new issues. We didn't give up, and we even said a prayer for help during our conference. Ideas came, and we got it to work. Yes!

As I re-watched the videos, I noted areas where we could improve, but I felt and saw a power to really help people with what we were doing. All of my impressions were confirmed… This is really what we needed to do, and in the end God really helped it to come together.

Ironically our topic for the first video was Trusting God. This whole effort had been a reminder to me of my need to constantly trust Him.

Why did I doubt? Why did I worry about my own inadequacies? Why did I not trust that He would make up the difference? Why did I not had faith that he would magnify and multiply my efforts and make my offering enough?

I could see how this experience and many others over the last three years have repeatedly taught me the lesson to simply Trust Him and move forward.

If we really want to learn to trust God, we have to choose to take that leap.

Action creates an experience and from past experiences we gain the confidence to take future leaps. In time, we become more comfortable taking larger steps in the dark.

So, if you are facing tasks that seem overwhelming, I hope you can use my experience or experiences from your past to give you the courage to take that first scary step. Trust that He is there to make up the difference. As you move forward, I promise, He will have your back.

Questions to Ponder:

1. What experiences in your past have taught you to trust God?
2. How can you use past experiences to help you have courage to do difficult things?

Check out the first video in our series: 

"How Does Trusting God Help You Better Deal with Grief?"

Visit our website through the links above and subscribe to our youtube channel if you would like to see more.

He Sees What I Don’t See

One of the biggest struggles that I have is not complaining, whining, and resisting my new life situation. It's hard because this isn't something that I can just forget about; it's in my face everyday. When I roll over in the morning, when I walk by the family photos in our home, when a child calls with a problem that dad would handle better, or when I'm handed the microphone to say something "light" at my son's wedding reception.  It hits me in surprising moments too, catching me unaware.  It's only natural to sigh... "If Scott were here, then..." But it's hard to leave it at that.

I used to get angry and frustrated a lot.  I used to cry and rant about what a stupid plan this was for my life, but honestly that got me nowwhere... It only caused me to spiral downward into an all-out-fit of despair and hopelessness.  For the most part, I have given that tactic up. (For the most part) It's way to emotionally draining and totally unproductive, but I still resist on a lesser level.  

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't here, that I didn't have to still do this alone.  It's hard not to look at other families and feel pangs of jealousy.  But those thoughts also take me nowhere but down.  The kicker is that I know that every time I allow myself to complain about my life, I am doing the equivalent of shooting myself in the foot.  

It lessens my faith.

It cripples my ability to act.

It pulls me from the spirit.

It destroys hope and replaces it with despair.

It is so easy to loose sight of what this trial can teach me and to focus on the pain involved in that lesson. I can choose to let grief cloud my vision.  I can let discouragement blind me to my own potential.  I can focus on my weakness and become paralyzed... or I can ask to see what God sees in me.

I believe that each one of us has a plan to fulfill in this life. I believe that God allows us to go through difficulties so we can prove ourselves... prove who we are and what we are capable of, not just to God, but to ourselves.  Those challenges can strengthen us... They can strengthen our confidence in the power He can give us to overcome these challenges.

Overcoming is hard work... It's tiring and sometimes I just feel like I want to quit. Sometimes I don't feel like I am strong enough, but when I think of the end game... When I go back to my understanding of the purpose of the plan, then I fall to my knees and desperately plead for extra help to see more clearly and to have the strength I need to keep pressing forward. 

It's there... I have felt it. Somedays I loose it... But on my knees I find it again. He is there to strengthen and help us through all of the difficulties, and He knows that is the best way for us to really develop a relationship with Him... and He knows that relationship is critical if we are to achieve our potential.

When I loose sight, I go back to the basics.  I go back to prayer and scripture study.  I go back to trusting God.  

No, I don't have a clear vision of the future.  None of us do.  That is also part of the plan and part of growing our faith, but I can have confidence that He sees it.  For now that can be enough.  I can choose to trust and put my faith in Him.  I can choose to improve that relationship by trying to be like Him.  As I do that, I feel that power reenter and the previous struggles become easier to bear.

Questions to Ponder:

1. What potential does God see in you?
2. What can your struggles teach you?

Let Patience Have Her Perfect Work

Life is about to change again... It has been so very wonderful to have my oldest son home these last two months.  He has grown and changed so much in the two years that he has been gone.  I honestly have just put everything on hold, and I have tried to suck the marrow out of every moment with him.  He reminds me so much of his dad, that I can almost hear his voice through my son.  On our nightly walks, I feel like I have a piece of my companion back, but sadly that is coming to an end.

Ironically, the lost of my husband and the two-year absence of my son has made his coming home all the more wonderful.  There has been more gratitude, more love, more kindness in our relationship than ever before.  I am grateful that this experience has taught me how to love and appreciate my family more.

I can honestly say, that sorrow and suffering does carve out a place in your heart to feel greater joy and love.  

Today, I read my Sandbar post from a few years ago.  Once again, I realized that God has provided me a place to rest and renew my strength for the upcoming swim. But as my oldest son's time to leave approaches, I have been feeling anxiety about getting back in the water.  As wonderful as it has been to have him home, I think it may be all the more painful to have him leave.

If I am not careful, I can overly focus on the pain.  I can begin to get swallowed up in the feeling that I have no choice but to be miserable and to resign myself to the suffering that is surely coming.

As I lay in bed the other night in the dark, a text message sounded on my phone.  My son, knowing that I was struggling, had sent me an article that he was reading in the other room.  I read it and found some counsel that helped me get my head around things again.

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into many afflictions: Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." James 1:2-4

My affliction isn't something that is going to go away.  It's something that I have to live with the rest of my life.  Good things happen, even joy at times, but my husband's absence is always a thought in the background that colors those experiences.  This affliction definitely is trying my faith.

But this scripture reminded me that there is a purpose in all of this.  It reminded me that this experience, hard as it is, is actually changing me for the better in a lot of ways.

I am learning patience... I am definitely not there yet, but I have seen progress.  I see glimmers of the wanting nothing and feeling whole in moments when my patience is winning.  That gives me hope in the process of change that I am going through.

God loves me enough to let me hurt sometimes because he know that the hurt will carve a place in my heart for something better... for me to be better.  More than anything, my character refinement is what matters most to Him.  He sees potential in me that I don't see.  He know what he needs me to be and do in the future, and He is working me through the process that will get me prepared for that future roll.

When answers to our prayers are delayed, sometimes even to the end of our mortal lives, we need to choose to commit to patience and trust the Lord, His plan for us, and His timing.

Committing to patience allow patience to better

 do her work with us.  

It allows the change to happen easier and with less pain. Committing to patience isn't just resigning ourselves to be miserable and stuck. It isn't a passive action.  It is demonstrating a inner strength, devotion and trust in God.

"Patience is not indifference. Actually, it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call 'the process of time.'"  

- Neil A Maxwell

I have been feeling rather anxious about the up coming months without my son.  My anxiety was a manifestation of my lack of confidence in God's plan.  I guess I had resigned myself to the idea that God wanted me to suffer so I could learn, but I really didn't want to suffer.  I think in all of my focus on the pain, I forgot the real reason for suffering.

Suffering humbles us so we remember to turn to God and get help. 

God has promised that He will help us shoulder our burdens if we will but come to Him.  He has promised to bring us the relief of His peace even in the middle of our affliction.  But when I am fearing and feeling anxious, I am not coming to Him in faith.

"Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstances.  Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising.  So it is with us.  If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be."- Neil A Maxwell

I don't understand all of God's plan, but I do know that he loves me and wants my longterm happiness.  As I learn to accept that plan with confidence then I will be in a better place to receive His peace through it all.

So I will be daily reminding myself to let patience do her perfect work on me.  I will be reminding myself to ask God for help to shoulder my burdens.  I will be reminding myself to trust and look for the blessings in my life.

"And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive...and may the peace of God rest upon you" - Alma 7:23, 27

Getting my Heart completely in the Right Place and Trying to Fix my Mistake

Getting my Heart completely in the Right Place and Trying to Fix my Mistake

So we are back from the Grand Canyon...  

It was an awesome trip with my son and sister!

While we were hiking I had a lot of time to think about the sale of our house and how I had handled the back and forth offers and counter offers. 

I thought a lot about where my heart was and if my motives were really pure.  

I think if we are not pure in our motives and our hearts

 then spiritual impressions are less clear and 

can even be blocked by what we want. 

Previously (in the last two posts I outlined this) I had felt God tell me that our house would sell, but for a specific number that was significantly less than I owed on it.  I trusted the impression and decided to be okay with selling the house for that number. I even told my relator to take an offer down to that number if one came while I was gone.

  

So I thought I was aligned with God's will...

But the more I thought about it, the more I knew that a part of me was hoping by countering above that number that maybe I could get a little more money than God told me the house would sell for.  

- I had rationalized that they could still counter lower and I would take it.  

- I had rationalized that the extra money would pay the relator fees or possibly repairs that an inspection might find. 

The more I thought about it, the more I knew I was wrong. 

I spent the night apologizing to God, and promising to fix my mistake.  

When we got back in cell service I called my realtor.  He informed me that the people were out of town and considering what to do.  I told him the whole story...

I told him about my impression that it would sell and what it would sell for.

I told him about my missionary son's impression that the house would sell before he even knew that we had shown it.

I told him about my heart not being in the right place and how I felt that I needed to fix it.

Then instead of waiting to see what they would do, I told him to call their relator and tell them we would take the lower number. 

I told him that it was more important that I showed God that I trusted Him than it was that I try to get more money. 


I told him several stories of how God had financially taken care of in the past.  All of those stories required me to trust and act before the help came.  I felt this one was no different.

He agreed to call their realtor and relay the message.  After he got off the phone with me, their realtor texted him and said that they had decided to put an offer on another less expensive home.  He called him and relayed my message.  After talking to his clients about the new offer they said they would consider it if things did not work out with the other house.


I spent a few days feeling bad and beating myself up a little.  

I didn't feel bad because our house had not sold... 

I felt bad because I knew that I messed it up because I was being greedy.  

I wasn't trusting God... not completely.

 I was mad at myself for not seeing that more clearly earlier.

I WANT guidance in my life from God... I NEED guidance, and I put myself in a place where I could not receive it well because my heart was too set on money. 

There I go building my own safety net again!  

You think I would know better by now!

I have spent a lot of time apologizing and praying.  

I knew I needed to write this post, admit my mistake and eat a little crow. 

Is all lost?

No, I do not think so, but I have put myself in a place to feel a lot more stress and grief because my motives were not pure. 

Maybe if they had been, things would have gone easier. 

Instead, I needed to learn this lesson.  One thing is for sure... 

I'm NOT DOING THIS AGAIN! It's totally not worth it!

I would much rather have peace than money!

My missionary son in Chile reminded me of something that I had momentarily forgotten in all of the beating myself up.

"Don't worry Mom," he said, "The more things that happen to me, the more I realize that God has taken into account our own mistakes.  He still had a plan for you and for the house. I trust you entirely to handle it, Mom.  Entirely. You are on top of this mom.  Follow the spirit and do everything you can. Love you so much."

It's nice to have your son trust you, especially when you are not sure you trust yourself.

So this morning I spent a little extra time in bed praying, and I felt at peace.  

I knew everything would be okay.  

Maybe they will still come back and buy the house and maybe we will have to do God's plan B to fix my mistake, but I have learned an important lesson...

TRUST God 100% and ACT according to that trust IMMEDIATELY.  Sometimes we miss out on opportunities when we are not immediately obedient.  

Trusting God Brings Me Peace

 Trusting God Brings Me Peace

Today I am driving to the trailhead of Havasupai Falls in the Grand Canyon.  My senior son and I are backpacking together.  This is one of the perks of not having a husband… I get to do some neat one-on-one things with my kids.  The timing however is not perfect….

We ended up getting an offer on the house…which was very low, so I countered.  They countered back and I countered again.  Of course they wanted to come see it again last night when I was traveling!  This morning as I prepare to go ‘off grid’ for three days, I still have not heard back

Am I a little stressed?

I admit, I’ve had a few lapses of trust and faith… but I keep remembering my past experiences and the things I have felt.  I keep choosing to have faith and trust and to reject fear.

Here’s a little bit of the story…

My son, on a mission in Chile, knew nothing about the house showing or the offer.  When he emailed Monday, this was our conversation...

My son: I was walking back from the supermarket and this just popped into my head. Something happened with the house. I thought it had sold. Don’t ask me how, but I knew something was going to happen with the house today. Anything up? 

Mom: We got an offer on the house on Friday night. It was pretty low.  I countered back.  I haven't heard back yet.  We will see. 

My son: It´ll sell. 95% sure. I got a really, really weird jerk on my train of thought going down the escalator in Lider. I was thinking about something completely different. God let me know. It was about an hour and a half ago. It´ll sell. 

That was a wonderful reassurance to me.  

I had spent a significant time praying and pondering about the problem on Saturday.  I had felt good about countering back, but I had felt that the house would ultimately sell for a lower, very specific number, one that would require me to come up with a significant amount of money to get out of it.

Why would God let my house sell for the lower amount instead of for what I needed?

My answer was this…

“You need to let the money go and trust that God will take care of you.”

I don’t know how, but that is what I am going to trust in… 

that has been the lesson for me. 

“Trust God 100%”

Trusting God gives me peace

So how do you get to the point where you learn to trust Him like that?  How do you learn to leap when He commands, not knowing where you will land?

A teacher once told me, “Faith is taking 3 steps in the dark before you see the light.”

Experience and Practice are the only way to learn this.

When we are put in situations that are difficult and the answers are not immediately apparent, we are forced to take those steps forward in faith, exerting our trust.

John 7:17- If any man will DO his will, he will KNOW the doctrine. 

It’s important to note that we have to DO first before we KNOW.  This is very contrary to what most of us want.  We want evidence BEFORE we exert that trust.

Last year the process of selling my house was so painful and NOT peaceful because I had my will AGAINST God.  I did not TRUST Him.  I wanted my answers NOW.  I wanted it MY way.  I was going to DO it my way, even if that meant being impatient and irritable with my family.  I was in the wrong, and I felt that my behaviors and responses were justified.  

When I was in that frame of mind, the Lord couldn’t help me.  

I had separated myself from Him because I was choosing to be upset.  

Technically, I really needed to change my behavior and get myself back aligned with Him.  I needed to pray to be enabled with more trust and to get peace.  Bit by bit my experience each time taught me that, and as I began to try to change then I gained the ability to change.

Over and over again we have to be put in difficult circumstances that require us to turn to God and learn to trust.  If we are willing to make changes in ourselves and to exercise that trust, and then in time as we LOOK, we will begin to see the patterns in our lives that show us that God does take care of us.  I say ‘LOOK’ because those patterns aren’t necessarily obvious at first, and our frame of mind determines if our eyes are ‘OPEN’ to see them.

Our faith grows, not by having it easy, but by acting and watching the results.

So last night as I began to feel the pressure of being without cell service I reminded myself..

“When you don’t know what to do, go to the Lord.  Ask for ideas of what to do. Be specific in your prayers… pray for strength, pray for courage to do what you need to do.”

So before I left for the trail I spent the night praying…

I said, “I’m struggling with my faith. I fear it is faltering… ‘Help thou my unbelief’.' Please help me know what to do and to feel peace.”

In the morning I knew what to do.  

I called my relator and told him to take any counter offer down to that ‘lower number.’  I told him if they didn’t counter back to tell them that I would take the lower number.  Then I got in the car and put my faith and trust in the prompting I had received.

So…I guess I will find out in three days.  

I’ll post the results and some pictures from our trip

My search for Peace…

Written May 23, 2014

My search for Peace…

Peace… isn’t that what everyone is craving deep in their souls?  

I’m not talking about ‘world peace’ or the ‘peace movement of the 1970’s.'  I’m talking about this inner peace that allows us to be still and not distraught when the storms of life rage around us.  It’s that inner peace of conscious that we get when we know our life is on the right path and we are doing good things.

It doesn’t matter who you are or what you are going through, that is what we all long  to have…

How do you find peace 

especially when your world is upside down?  

Everyone has an answer and I have tried them many of them…

Some are band-aids… temporary distractions to the problems of life.  They don’t bring lasting peace… just a cocktail of temporary forgetfulness

Real peace comes from a power greater than ourselves.  For me, I say that it comes from God.  It is a gift from Him when we seek to align our life with His plan and His will.

“My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.” (John 14:26-27)

So I showed my house yesterday, twice to the same couple… We have only had one other showing since January and I had pretty much decided that it wasn’t going to sell this year, and I was okay with that.  I had a plan for remaining put for another year and I could see advantages in that plan.

So now what?  God is trying to tell me not to plan again!  

"Trust me," He says "and it will all be okay."

Hmmmm…. Maybe this is another test for me? 

Last year at every showing I would run around frazzled trying to get everything perfect.  My patience was limited.  My thoughts were swirling with future ‘what if’s.’  I was a major basket case.  I was NOT at PEACE.

This time… surprisingly not so!  WOW!  Maybe I am learning  something through all of this! 

I am SO AT PEACE

Not because I think it will sell…

Not because I think it won’t…

Not because I have a plan of what to do either way.

Not because I think He will make it easy for me.

I am at PEACE because I know that whatever happens, I will follow God’s plan for me and it will all be okay, and that plan will be what is best for me in the long run. 

He will let me know what to do when I need to do it, and it’s okay that I don’t have all of those answers now because I am no longer afraid that they won’t come.  

I think part of my need to ‘plan’ so much was my attempt to create my own personal security net.  I think I really did not have faith and trust that God would take care of me, so I felt that I needed to have a back-up plan just in case.  

Now, I’m not saying don’t set goals and have plans.  We should not procrastinate our lives away, and we should take preliminary steps for the future. 

What I am saying is that it is important to be flexible and to listen to the direction of the Spirit.  When God puts up ROAD BLOCKS and says “STOP… NEW ROAD.”  Then we need to be able to set our wants and plans and desires aside in favor of His.

I think about how often my husband would come home from work an announce, “Let’s go out to dinner!” Immediately I would become frazzled because the change of plan messed up my half-done dinner.  To keep the peace, my husband dropped the idea of going out to dinner.  Instead of enjoying a night out relaxing and talking with my kids and husband, I spent it cooped up in the kitchen making and cleaning up dinner.  I can see now that I missed out on some valuable experiences just because they didn’t conform to my plan.

Trusting God gives me peace.

That peace enables me to better...

•           Submit to His will
•       Bear my burdens
•       Endure with perspective and patience
•       Not shrink away from what God wants me to do

Right now I’m headed out of town for the weekend to spend with family.  I haven’t heard back about an offer yet and I’m just not going to even worry about it.  I am letting it go…  God will take care of it all.  I’m going to focus on my kids and the things I know He wants me to do. 

There is too much to do and learn to waste it is fretting about the future.

I think I will write more on how to trust God tomorrow, along with the house update, so look for that