Progress through Change

Progress through Change

When you are a widow, everything in your life changes.  Nothing is the same anymore and nothing that you had planned for your future will ever be the same.  Sometimes we change out of choice and sometimes we are compelled to change.  When compelling changes come, you have a chance to look inward and examine who you are and who you want to become.  It felt like 2/3 of me ceased to exist when Scott died- the 1/3 that was him and the 1/3 that was us.  I was left with the 1/3 that was just me, and trying to remember who she was alone was very difficult.  There were things about me that I wanted to change.  I had wanted to change those things before Scott died, but I felt stuck and kind of in a rut.  Well, having your husband dies definitely gets you unstuck from your rut, but if you are not careful it is easy to get stuck in a new rut.  I didn't want to do that.  I was tired of begin stuck.  I wanted to start moving forward so I could stay caught up to Scott who I felt was now moving forward at an accelerated pace.  I desired to be more than who I was and to be more of who the Savior thought I was capable of being.

We are not beings who delight in change, especially hard, difficult change.  sometimes like a root bound plant,  a new pot is not enough change to allow us to flourish and begin to grow. We need some vigorous root clipping. Root clipping hurts, but it makes the corrections and removes the bad habits that hinder our growth.

"How often in life do we set our own roots into the soil of life and become root bound? We may treat ourselves too gently and defy anyone to disturb the soil or trim back our root system. Under these conditions we too must struggle to make progress. Oh, change is hard! Change can be rough." (See below for reference)

Our own stubbornness can make that change harder and take longer.  How much easier the path is when we willing submit to the process of changing.

We are so reluctant to change.  We set our heels in and stubbornly hang on to those bits of our will that keep us from progressing

" There is a constant that allows us to use change for our own good, and that constant is the revealed eternal truths of our Heavenly Father."

The gospel helps us to know the direction we need to go when we change.  It helps us change for the better

"We need not feel that we must forever be what we presently are. There is a tendency to think of change as the enemy. Many of us are suspect of change and will often fight and resist it before we have even discovered what the actual effects will be. When change is thought through carefully, it can produce the most rewarding and profound experiences in life. The changes we make must fit the Lord’s purposes and patterns."

I have found this to be particularly true. I have often feared change and the unknown.  I like to know what is ahead and have a good plan for getting through it. Although I did not plan on this change in my life, as I have turned to God for help and direction, I have had some of those rewarding and profound experiences.  I am leading a life more focused on the Savior and on becoming like Him.  It is full of service and learning how to love and lift others.  This has been far more rewarding than I ever thought possible.

I AM LEARNING TO NOT BE AFRAID OF CHANGE

Asking the following questions in circumstances like this can allow us to change in the right way. 

“Where do I need development? What do I want out of life? Where do I want to go? How can I get there?” Weighing alternatives very carefully is a much needed prerequisite as one plans changes. In God’s plan we are usually free to choose the changes we make in our lives and we are always free to choose how we will respond to the changes that come. We need not surrender our freedoms. But just as a compass is valuable to guide us out of the dense forest, so the gospel points the way as we walk the paths of life."

It is important to remember that we choose how to react in any given situation.  We need to Act instead of allowing ourselves to be acted upon.  It's important not to fall into the pattern of inaction. Satan is always trying to cripple us by telling us that we don't have to do anything or that we are not capable of doing anything.  No matter our circumstances, we always have a choice.  Even if that choice is simple to choose our attitude.

C. S. Lewis indicated there is often pain in change when he wrote of God’s expectations for His children: “Imagine yourself as a living house.

Our One Year Mark- My Husband's great Legacy

Our One Year Mark- My Husband's great Legacy

Following His Father's 

Today is the one-year anniversary of my husband’s death.  Remarkably I am filled with much gratitude and hope today.  Gratitude for the wonderful man that I am sealed to for time and all eternity and for the wonderful husband and father he was for 20 wonderful years. 

Scott was supremely generous with his means, his time, and his love.  He was following and living up to the example of his father, grandfather and the Savior.  I am constantly reminding my children of the wonderful legacy their father left for them to follow.  I hope that his example can motivate you to be a little kinder, to reach out to lift others, and to love each other and the Lord a little better.  I know that it has done that for me.

Scott was firm in his faith and always committed to the morals and principles he believed in.  He did not let the common crowd sway him from his resolve.   He stood up for and championed those principles.  He believed in honesty, hard work, and morality.  He rewarded and encouraged others to adopt those same principles.

He believed in complete love, devotion, and fidelity in family life.  He loved us more than he did himself.  Everything he did was to try to make things better for us and to show us how much we meant to him.  We saw that by how hard he worked to provide for us, in the things he said to us and to others about us, and how he devoted his free time to being with us.  We will never doubt how much we are loved by him.

I have had many people this year say to me, “I just don’t see why someone like your husband needed to be taken.  He was doing so much good here.”  I want to respond to that question, because I clearly know the answer.  Scott was doing great good here and because of that, his death has made more of an impact for good on others than his life ever would.  I know that Scott and I chose this path for our life before we ever even came here.  I know that we agreed to God’s plan, we were not forced into it, and I believe that we did it because of the good and the help this experience would be to so many people.  We decided that our little hurt would be a small price to pay for the good that would be done and the hearts that would be healed.  So don’t let our separation and pain be for naught.  Internalized what you have learned from him and our family and let it change you.  Let it make you into a better person, let it drawn you nearer to Christ, let it help you learn how to love a little better. 

Below I have included some of my favorites parts from the talks given at both his funeral and their joint funeral in Omaha.  (Including the talk that I gave in Omaha)  Even though many of you attended, I wanted to share them again because it is easy to forget.  On December 19^th (our 21^st wedding anniversary I will be posting our story along with the words and song preformed by my oldest son, Alex at the funeral.  Check back for that.) I am also including a link to the legacy book I made for all of my children with the stories sent to me from friends, patients, and co-workers.  There are also lots of family pictures.  There are some great stories in there so feel free to browse that as well.  ( Still working on that link.)

Excepts from the funeral:

MY TALK:

I couldn’t turn this over to anyone else.

Looking Down the Hole and Finding the Faith to Jump

Looking Down the Hole...

And Finding the Faith to Jump.

So I have been sweeping my floors and thinking again, sometimes not a good thing for me. (Not the sweeping, but the thinking)  I have such a hard time waiting on the Lord.  I can do it for a little while, and then I let my mind go too far ahead and I get impatient to know the answers and plans for the future. "Stay in the present!"  I tell myself. "Focus on what you are to do today.  Worry about your daily bread." That works temporarily, but I find myself back to the same place.

Something you need to know about me is that I am a planner.  All of my life, I have had a plan and I have worked that plan.  Furthermore, everything has always worked out according to my plan!  I have always been determined enough to finish and succeed at whatever I have started, and blessed enough to have things work out too.  Now, I have no plan. My old plan is gone and cannot be recovered. The plan I came up with right after Scott died did not work out, no matter how hard I tried to will it to.  The lesson was, "Stop trying to plan and trust Me to lead you where you need to go."  Life is topsie-turvey. Kind of a super scary thing for me.  I know why my life is this way though, it is because God really wants to teach me to quit trusting exclusively on myself (or my husband) and to start trusting wholly in Him.  He wants to grow my faith and trust in Him.

That trust is the last part of my will that I am clinging onto.  It's like the story of the little girl at the top of the well that her daddy was digging.  When she brought him his lunch, he asked her to throw it down into the darkness.  He caught it and then asked her to jump, reassuring her that he would catch her.  She could only hear his voice.  She could not see him nor how deep the well was.  All she had to go one was the prior experiences she had with her dad, and the fact that he had never let her down.  That little girl is me.  My Heavenly Father has never let me down, so why do I cling with butterflies in my stomach to the top of the well, reluctant to take that finally leap?

That is my musing today.  I know I just need to have faith and trust.  I know that, I really do!  But it is the fear part that is overriding my faith.  "Heavenly Father, I would really like... but I know that your way is better.  Still I would like....  What if I miss a prompting and mess this whole thing up?  What if I am too afraid to follow a prompting?  What if I think I am doing the right things, but I am wrong and I make a big mistake?"  So there is a little self-doubt in there with the fear.  Fear and self-doubt are not emotions of the spirit, they are caused by Satan to confuse us and to paralyze us into inaction.

So it's back to the drawing board again, or should I say, back to my knees.  I need to be reminded and reassured of everything I have felt to be true.  Reassured to be patient and to wait on the Lord.  Reassured that he is in the drivers seat, and although I do not know the route that we are taking, I am assured of the destination. Maybe also time for a little more of my THEME SONG, or a reminder from the scriptures...

1 Corinthians 2:9. " Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that Love Him."

Sometimes we just have to remember that His promises are sure and that He will take care of us and mold us if we simply trust in Him and turn our will over to Him.

Wrong Roads (3.5 minute video clip)

"God loves us, He is good, He is our father.  God expects us to pray and trust and be believing and not give up and not panic and not retreat and not jump ship when something doesn't seem to be going just right. We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path, and we will live to fall in his arm and feel his embrace and hear him say, "I told you that it would be okay I told you that it would be alright." - Jeffery R Holland

Suffering Helps Us Have Empathy and Understand Other's Pains and Sorrows

Suffering Helps Us Have Empathy and Understand Other's Pains and Sorrows

My brother-in-law sent a letter to my son Alex who is on a mission for our church in Chile,  and he carbon copied me.  I had a really 'Ahhh Ha' moment when reading a scripture that he quoted.  This scripture is talking about how Christ suffered all sorts of difficult things so that He would feel mercy for us and know how to help us through our infirmities.  so I thought " If the Son of God had to go through difficulties in order to really learn and understand these things, then OBVIOUSLY WE are going to have to DO THE SAME to learn these Christlike attributes." I had never noticed that Christ needed those experiences for learning too! (He was just better at the learning part that I am.)

Alma 7:11-12

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and ^aafflictions and^btemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ^ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him ^adeath, that he may ^bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to ^csuccor his people according to their infirmities.

It is amazing to me how my suffering has brought me more empathy for people in a variety of circumstances- not just widows.  Suffering is a universal thing.  I don't compare and say, "Being a widow is harder than having a rebellious child, or not being able to have children, or having your husband divorce you."  I just feel and empathize with their pain.

I think suffering can bring us closer together as we "mourn with those that mourn."  We learn the Christ-like attribute of Charity or maybe it's not so much that we learn it, but it is bestowed upon us as we extend those feelings of empathy.  I have watched people do two things in the trial of loosing a spouse.  

1. They either pull inward and feel sorry for themselves, thinking their lot is harder than everyone else's
2.  They look outward and realize that everyone eventually suffers and that suffering helps us to grow.  

The ones that pull inward wallow in their sorrow, while the ones that look outward escape it. Now I don't expect anyone to be perfect.  We all have our wallowing moments, but when we recognize we are wallowing it's time to make yourself look outward because that is the only way out and forward. 

Morning Insights from My Senior Son

Morning Insights from My Senior Son

Cooper really got me thinking about something from this morning's scripture study.

1 Nephi 7 

We were reading the part after Nephi's family has returned to Jerusalem to retrieve Ishmael and his daughters. During the journey back to their camp, several of the party rebelled and wanted to go back to Jerusalem. Nephi testified against their wickedness and they became angry and bound him up. Nephi prayed to be delivered and prayed for the strength that he might BURST the bands. 

I pointed out that Nephi prayed for deliverance and that is something that we can do, pray very specifically for help. Cooper pointed out that the Lord did answer his prayers but not in the specific way that Nephi had intended.

The next verse says that the Lord LOOSED the bands, not that Nephi was given strength to BURST them. Cooper pointed out that often the Lord answers our prayers in ways different than what we intend, but he answers in the best way for us. As I have pondered on this, I realize that the Lord's answer did not let Nephi succeed with his strength.  That component was specifically removed (and we know that Nephi was strong and large in statue). There was no way for Nephi to claim that he had taken care of this problem independently. The Lord was showing him he needed to rely totally on Him.

There are always lessons in the ways that the Lord answers our prayers. If your prayers are answered in a different way than you expect, then it is time to analyze and search out the purpose for the difference. Ask "What did I need to learn from this specific lesson? Why were my prayers answered this particular way?" 

This seems to be the way the Lord is working lately with me.  In July I prayed so hard for a little resting place, my SANDBAR.  I thought selling my house and moving to Omaha would be the best way to accomplish this.  Instead the Lord kept us here, and now I can see how that has been so much better for us.

I thought these were particularly great insights from my 17-year-old. So glad that we are taking 10 minutes every morning to have little mini lessons like this. 

Principle 7: Satan only has the power we give him

Principle 7

Satan only has the power we give him

We cannot stop the evil influences in the world that result from the exercise of moral agency, but we must warn of the consequences of partaking of them. 

Satan's influence is allowed to provide the atmosphere for proving ourselves, but the devil will not triumph.  He must operate within bounds set by the Lord.

The old adage, "the devil made me do it!"  is incorrect

Satan cannot alter character that has been woven from righteous decisions!

We must give him power through our disobedience

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING he temps us to do will have a beneficial outcome.

Satan tries to capture us through massive, overpowering physical stimulation, so we can't hear spiritual promptings. He doesn't want us to have time to think and ponder the consequences.

SATAN IS ALWAYS DECEITFUL 

He is a consummate bluffer and he tries to make people think he has power that he does not have.

The POWER to overcome is given to us through our DETERMINED righteous living.

We can call on the POWER OF THE LORD to help us avoid evil encounters.

If Satan had power over our agency, he would have used it long ago...

Quote from the 1996 movie THE LABRYNTH

 After fighting her way to the goblin city to rescue her baby brother, Sarah approaches the goblin king and says...

Remaining Committed to Your Faith During Times of Trials

Remaining Committed to Your Faith During Times of Trials

Originally I wrote this to my LDS facebook widows/widowers group, but after I wrote it I thought that I would share it here as well, because I have found trials to be universal.  Whether we have lost a loved one, suffer financial difficulty, cannot have children, or are in marital or family distress,  all of our problems teach us the same lessons.  (Interesting how that is... it's almost as if there are universal lessons we are all required to learn.)  This came after listening to a talk posted by another widow in our group. I felt like it had so many nuggets of truth that I needed to sit down with it and write out my thoughts as I read it again. I think this talk refers to so much more than just murmuring, but it addresses the bigger issue of commitment to the gospel and staying committed and even becoming more committed through difficult circumstances.  I find that writing while I study gives me so much better understanding and helps to open up communication with my Heavenly Father.  I find that He is better able to school me when I am showing Him that I are really ready to study, listen and apply what He is going to tell me.

(Large type is from the talk and the italics are my thoughts.  The best part is at the end, so keep reading)

Murmuring is defined as a half-suppressed resentment or muttered complaint.

A basic cause of murmuring is that too many of us seem to expect that life will flow ever smoothly, featuring an unbroken chain of green lights with empty parking places just in front of our destinations!

We expect and want life to be easy because we do not understand that we must have difficult times for growth.  Eve so clearly understood this when she partook of the fruit.  Deeply contemplating all the ease that she would give up by remaining in the garden, she knew that it was better to pass through sorrow so that we could better know the good from the evil and move forward on our journey towards becoming more like Him.

We beggars are so concerned with our entitlements.

Murmuring often reflects discontent we have with our blessing.  We feel the Lord owes