I had a fairytale start to my life. I had a husband who adored me, 4 bright, beautiful children, and then without a moments notice everything came crashing down and life as I knew it fell apart. I wondered if I would ever feel happiness again in this life. What good was a fairytale beginning without a happy ending? In my darkest moments I felt abandoned, hopeless and lost.
Despite the darkness, I made a choice...
the choice to choose God and faith everyday.
I trusted that my story wasn’t over. I trusted that understanding would come as I continued to exercise faith, and that understanding did come in quiet, simple assurances from the spirit. I learned to trust that peaceful voice in my head and to use my life and experiences to promote good.
Day by day I was taught...
And gradually I began to realize that the purpose of life perhaps isn’t to have everything work out all of the time. Maybe in reality my view of perfection would be a prison that wouldn’t allow growth or change. Without tasting the bitter, how could I every know to prize the sweet?
Perhaps instead, life is about learning how to feel joy even in difficult circumstances.
It is about learning how to focus outward, how to give love unconditionally, so there is a greater place for us to receive it back. It’s about doing harder things than you thought possible and feeling God’s power and strength aiding you through the hard times. It’s about freeing ourselves from worldly pursuits and focusing on people and our relationships with them.
Now, 5 1/2 years after my world fell apart I find the pieces miraculously coming together in a more beautiful design than I could have ever expected. God is good. Divine Design exists in our life. He eventually compensates us for every loss. He can fill our empty holes with more love if we turn our focus and life to Him and doing His will.
Initially I felt loss from all the life changes that occurred along with my husband’s death, but as compensation for that loss, I gained empathy and the ability to relate to and help others who were struggling in similar circumstance. I also gained opportunities to serve that I would not have had in my former life.
As a result, now my life is fuller because of the purpose it has gained.
I felt loss of family when my husband died. Then that loss was compounded as I sent my sons one by one on missions, but as I continued to exercise faith, our family numbers began to increase. Shortly after each son's return, we welcomed into our family new daughter-in-laws and now an upcoming grandson. As I look to the future I see more family and more love on the way.
I recently met an amazing man through circumstances that I can only describe as divine design. God works in mysterious and miraculous ways to bring good things into our lives. Major mountains have been moved and losses have been compensated. We are engaged to be married in late May and with him I gain 4 more children to love. I feel my heart is overflowing with gratitude to the Lord for granting my deepest and very personal desires, for giving me the gift of more family and with it more opportunities to give and receive love.
To any and all who feel they are stuck in the darkness, I encourage you to choose to reach for the light everyday. Hold onto your faith and cling to hope. Trust God and what He is doing with your life. Don’t fear change and loss because they may be the vehicles for you to receive greater joy. God loves us and He seeks in His time table to grant our heartfelt righteous desires. As we wait on Him we begin to understand His ways and a greater measure of strength and faith flows into our lives. He is always there; there is always hope, and happy endings come.