Once upon a time...
If you are new to my site I thought you might want to start at the beginning. This is my journey through tragedy. It is the story of how we were incredibly broken and how we are managing to pick up the pieces. It is a story of faith, of turning to a power greater than my own. For me, that is my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Whatever your circumstances and whatever your beliefs, I hope that my story will help you to seek that inner power that can help you rise above your trials. I hope that my story will give you strength and courage to press forward.
How does it end?
My guess... Happily Ever After...
but all of that is yet to be written. Follow me through the ups and the downs, but on a steady forward path as I seek to find my Happily Ever After.
I think God has a way of preparing us for really hard trials... They were to fly to Omaha, spend the night, and then Scott was going to fly home Sunday morning. That Saturday night was a warm November evening, and so I asked my kids what they wanted to do...
Fear of Trials and Difficulties can be Crippling...
After we finished medical school, I found myself living the life we had always dreamed of. We had four healthy children, a beautiful new house, brand new furniture, new cars, and my husband had his dream job. Everything had worked out just like we had planned. I should have been happy and fulfilled... but I was not. I felt a heavy weight on my heart....
Early on in my grieving I found that I was lifted and that my sorrow was more bearable, if I took the time for spiritual study, journaling and pondering. After the funeral, I found myself sucked into the realities of life. I had big financial and legal problems, a large home to sell and take care of, and a move to prepare for. I was extremely overwhelmed. It was easy for me to get lost in the phone calls...
When I look back on those early months, I can see so clearly what my problem was. I wanted to be sad. I wanted to be negative. I wanted to sit in the mud and just sulk. I felt it was my right. So that was my choice some days and by choosing that, I chose to face my pain on my own. If only I could have humbled myself sooner, I would not have had to experience as much pain. Instead of choosing to be humble... I was compelled.
My 1:00- 3:00 am epiphany...I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep so I felt impressed to start a gratitude journal. I have been praying lately that 'I would see the hand of The Lord in my life each day' and this idea answered that prayers. I'm finding ways to be grateful for things that I previously felt were curses. For example, last night I wrote...
Knowing how to make my will the same as God's will has been the issue. I have a tendency to pray for things that I want. In truth even though I say, 'Thy will be done,' I still want it in my timetable. I know I have to change what I want. It can't just be something I say, although that is the first step. But it has to be something that I want and feel as well. So the hard thing for me has been changing that desire....This experience taught me an important lesson...I had surgery a week ago. I came home and was still recovering from anesthesia when ....
I came across this entry from 4 months ago. It reminded me where I was in this journey then and looking back I can see now how far I have come. That is so encouraging to me! I see how the Lord is shaping me... 4 months ago I wrote...When so much bad seems to pile up and everything seems to go wrong, it causes my faith to falter...
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