Family Home Evening Ideas for Teens

Youth of the Noble Birthright: What Will You Choose?

ELDER RUSSELL M. NELSON

FULL TALK

Will you choose to increase in learning? 

Brothers and sisters, don’t be afraid to pursue your goals—even yourdreams! There is no shortcut to excellence and competence. Education is the difference between wishing you could help other people and beingable to help them.  GOOD STORY ABOUT A BOY WANTING TO GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL

This is what Scott epitomized and championed with the young men and men in our ward.  Education and sucess in our careers gives us the freedom, times and means to spend more time with our families, to serve in the church and to help others.  Get all the education you can in a field that will help you provide for your family.

What manner of living will you choose?

You, as youth of the noble birthright, are expected to live differently than others. You know what Paul said to young Timothy: “Be thou an exampleof the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, inpurity.”⁹ Choose to think and act differently than those of the world.Choose to look different and see what an influence for good you willbecome. As Sister Ardeth G. Kapp once said, “You can’t be a life saver ifyou look like all the other swimmers on the beach.”¹⁰

Our example has to be a light in this world!  We cannot just blend in and float along with the crowd.  We have a nobile birthright to be the leaders in this dispensation, to bring others to Christ.  We were chosen before hand, foreordained to wear out our lives in service.

As youth of the noble birthright, you have a great start in life. But you also have an additional responsibility. “For of him [or her] unto whommuch is given much is required.”¹¹ Part of that requirement is to be arecruit. Have you ever thought of yourself as an army recruit? When youwere baptized, you were actually reenlisted in the Lord’s army.¹

Not only do we have a charge to be a light, but we must also recruit others to join us in our efforts to be lights.  Our light and influence can only spread so far, but as we enlist others in our efforts, their lights add to our and our sphere of influence increases.  Many lights can brighten an immense space.

Will you establish priorities to help you make your choices in life?

Your choices will not all be between good and evil. Many will be choicesbetween two good options. Not all truths are created equal, so you willneed to establish priorities. I

Good, Better, Best says it all.  If Satan can't get us to fall then he can get us distracted with good so we ignore the best.

“This is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God,and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”¹⁹ Above everything else you areseeking to learn, seek to know God, your Heavenly Father, and His Son,Jesus Christ. Come to know Them and love Them, as I do.

The highest priority of everyday has to be to get closer to the Savior and God.  If we have the faith to put them first, then everything else will fall into place.  We will be led and guided and blessed to be able to accomplish all things that He would have us do.  We will have the time and the means to do it if we are willing to work hard and give HIM are all.  This is THE ONE THING we have to learn here on earth.  Everything else rests on this.

“Seek ye first to build up the kingdom of God, and to establish hisrighteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”²⁰

The Lord really will bless us with the means and ability to do what HE needs done, but we must prove that are hearts are pure. To bless us with things before our hearts are pure is to only corrupt them with the things of this world.  Our motives and intents have to be inline with HIS.

More than anything else in this world, you want to make choices that lead to the ultimate and glorious destiny of eternal life. That is God’s greatglory for you.²¹ Choose eternal life as your highest priority! Study thescriptures, such as sections 76 and 88 of the Doctrine and Covenants, inorder to understand more about the different blessings awaiting those who choose eternal life and those who don’t. Choose eternal life as yourhighest priority and notice how other choices fall into place.

Choose eternal life.  How simple it is to say, but how hard it is to see how our daily choices are either leading us to that or away from that.  We need to ask ourselves.  Does this choice draw me nearer to my Savior?  If it does not then we need to have the strength to walk away and not do that thing- NO MATTER WHAT.  We have to put aside temporary pleasure or self-gratification in exchange for something better. Learning to do this so great spiritual maturity and allows the Lord to trust us with great things.

With whom will you choose to associate?

 In PresidentUchtdorf’s earlier message, he stressed that there really is right andwrong, and the willful breaking of one of God’s commandments really issin. Believers in God also have a conscience. Believers obey civil anddivine law voluntarily, even laws that might otherwise be unenforceable.

Obedience because we want to be obedient not because of fear of being caught is what we are striving for.

As you mingle with nonbelievers, be aware that there may be a few whodo not have your best interest at heart.²² As soon as you make thatjudgment—as soon as you discern that—flee from them quickly andpermanently.²³

^{We can help many people come to the gospel, but if they are trying to bring us down then we need to vacate the premises}

Sadly, you will meet people whose desperate search for something thatseems to them like happiness takes them down the slippery slopes of sin.Beware of that slimy slide! Any pleasure in sin is only fleeting, andhaunting memories are smeared by gnawing and grinding guilt. The sinfulwarping of the embrace divinely designed to unite husband and wife isbut a hollow counterfeit. Each unlawful experience is stripped of deepmeaning and sweet memory.

Don't be tricked by the example of other who are seemingly delighting in sin.  Their delight is only temporary and will have undesirable consequences.  Don't be persuaded by these examples in the media.  Movies are not real life and the happy endings and lack of consequences are not real. 

Will you choose freedom or bondage?

Godless forces are all around. You are literally living in enemy-occupiedterritory.²⁴ A plague of poisonous pornography abounds. It ensnares allwho yield to its insidious grasp.

Avoid that bondage, my beloved brothers and sisters. If you are presentlyviewing pornography, stop it! And stop it now! Seek help from yourbishop. None are smart enough to outwit the adversary on their own oncethey have been poisoned by pornography.

Avoid this because as he says NONE can escape on their own once they have been poisoned.  THis is serious and often requires help from the bishop

 How will you prepare for your personal interview with the Savior?

Each day on earth gives you time and opportunity to prepare for thatinterview. Please know this: As you choose to live on the Lord’s side, youare never alone. God has given you access to His help while you movealong through mortality’s perilous pathway. As you diligently, earnestlypour out your heart to Him in daily prayer, He will send His angels to helpyou.³⁷ He has given you the Holy Ghost to be by your side as you liveworthily. He has given you scriptures so that you can fully feast upon thewords of Jesus Christ.³⁸ He has given you words to heed from livingprophets.

Choosing God means choosing to have his presence with us again, as it was in the premortal existence.  The more we feel him the more our wills natural align with His making those difficult choices not so hard any more.  He is there to help us succeed through all things, giving us extra strength and help beyond our own.  However, if we stubbornly cling to our own ways, we are left utterly alone, without support, help or guidance. 

 Your patriarchal blessingalso provides insight about your potential in life here and hereafter. Eachof these and other divine aids will help you to choose well so that youmay look forward to your meeting, face to face, with our Lord and Savior.

Study your patriarchal blessing often  

In whom will you put your trust?

You youth of the noble birthright know that God is your Father. He lovesyou. He wants you to be happy. Put your trust in Him.³⁹ Maintain yourfocus on His holy temple. Be worthy to receive your endowment andsealing ordinances. Remain faithful to those covenants, and returnfrequently to the temple. Remember, your loftiest goal is to gain thegreatest of all the blessings of God, that of eternal life.⁴⁰ Ordinances ofthe temple are essential for that blessing.⁴¹

Old or young we need to remember to keep our focus on temple covenants,  It is only through those that we will be able to be reunited with our loved ones and have the blessing of eternal life.

D&C 84

“Thus saith the Lord unto you [youth of the noble birthright], with whomthe priesthood hath continued through the lineage of your fathers—

“For ye are lawful heirs, according to the flesh, and have been hid fromthe world with Christ in God—

“Therefore your life and the priesthood have remained, and must needsremain through you and your lineage until the restoration of all thingsspoken by the mouths of all the holy prophets since the world began.

“Therefore, blessed are ye if ye continue in my goodness, a light unto theGentiles, and through this priesthood, a savior unto my people Israel.”

Yes, you truly are youth of the noble birthright, created in God’s image.You are the lawful heirs, to be tried and tested. You may choose to be alight to the world, to help save God’s children, to have joy, and ultimatelyto earn the blessing of eternal life.

As covenant members of the church we  have agreed to be a light to the world and to help save other's of God children.  We will do this despite the trials and tests that we will face and in the end we can inherit all that the Father has if we remain true and faithful. 

Apostolic Blessing given by Elder Nelson

Now, to assist you in these critical choices before you, I would like tobestow a blessing upon you. Invoking the keys of the holy apostleshipvested in me, I bless you that you may feast upon the words of JesusChrist and apply His teachings into your lives. I bless you with the powerto live as He would have you live and, through your example ofrighteousness, become worthy of emulation as a member of the Churchthat bears His holy name. I bless you with success in your educational andoccupational pursuits, to the end that you can render service of worth toyour fellow human beings. I bless you with health and strength needed tofulfill the divine destiny that God has in store for each of you, that His willmay be done by you and through you.

Faith and Character July 14, 2013

On Faith and Character

Written 8 months out

July 14, 2013

Reading through some of my past notes on my iPhone while I was walking this morning, I came across this about faith and character... 

Wow! Has this been an enlightening journey.


With what I know now..., 

I'm not sure I could choose to go back... 

even if it would save my husband.

I never thought I would be able to say that, but I'm beginning to see how much I needed this experience. 

...And even though it is sooooo hard,

 if it qualifies me to be back with Scott and my Savior again some day,

 then I can suck it up. 

As my son who just left on a mission said, 

"Bring it on! Do your worst. I'm ready to face it."

“Faith and character are intimately related. Faith in the power of God and obedience to the commandments of God will forge strength of character available to you in times of urgent need. Such character is not developed in moments of great challenge or temptation. That is when it is intended to be used. Your exercise of faith in true principles builds character; fortified character expands your capacity to exercise more faith. As a result, your capacity and confidence to conquer the trials of life is enhanced. Character is woven patiently from threads of applied principle, doctrine, and obedience.”

“We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day."

" Righteous character is a precious manifestation of what you are becoming. Righteous character is more valuable than any material object you own, any knowledge you have gained through study, or any goals you have attained no matter how well lauded by mankind. In the next life your righteous character will be evaluated to assess how well you used the privilege of mortality.”

“Strong moral character results from consistent correct choices in the trials and testing of life. Such choices are made with trust in things that are believed and when acted upon are confirmed.”

“What are some of the empowering principles upon which faith is based?

• Trust in God and in His willingness to provide help when needed, no matter how challenging the circumstance. 

• Obedience to His commandments and a life that demonstrates that He can trust you. 

• Sensitivity to the quiet promptings of the Holy Spirit. 

• Courageous implementation of that prompting. 

• Patience and understanding when God lets you struggle to grow and when answers come a piece at a time over an extended period.

“Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith” (Ether 12:6).

 "Thus, every time you try your faith—that is, act in worthiness on an impression—you will receive the confirming evidence of the Spirit. As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise. With even your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you, when it will yield the greatest advantage. Be thankful that sometimes God lets you struggle for a long time before that answer comes. That causes your faith to increase and your character to grow.”

- Richard G Scott

Prayer July 8, 2013

Prayer:

Blessings come after the trial of our faith

July 8, 2013

Prayer is the mechanism where 

we surrender our will to God's will and 

the two become ONE, in harmony with one another. 

Blessings always come AFTER the trial of our faith. 

• So don't give up if you think you have persevered long enough. God's time table is not the same as ours. 
• Remember Jesus didn't come to his apostles suffering in a storm on the sea until the fourth watch...right before the dawn. 
• Often we suffer through most of the 'night' in our trials, not because He doesn't care, but because He knows that is when the growth comes. 
• After the growth, in the 11th hour before the dawn, that is when He comes to calm the sea. 

Hold on, the light will come.

More to read, watch or listen to on prayer:

Ask in Faith- Elder David A Bednar

Consecration June 30, 2013

A Consecrated Life

June 30, 2013

My oldest son got set apart as a missionary today. He leaves for Chile on Tuesday for two years. I came across this relating to the hymn, "I'll go where you want me to go," and I thought it applied to my journey as well.  As I have consecrated myself more fully to God, His grace has enabled me.

A life of consecration doesn’t mean only consecrating those things that are easy to give. Consecration means giving ANYTHING we’re asked to give and trusting that God knows why He is asking it of us. I’ll go where you want me to go, even if it’s in a hospital bed, even if it’s back to Heaven early, or even if it’s to remain here on earth while those we love are called back to their heavenly home. It all comes down to this: Do we trust God? Do we believe He can do all things? Do we believe He is in the details of our lives? Do we believe He loves us and wants what is best for us? If so, I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord, even when it’s very difficult.

Father's Day

June 16, 2013

                                                              FATHER'S DAY
                        I wanted to write a letter to my sweetie today to thank him for being
                                    such a wonderful husband and father to my children.  

Dearest Scott, 

As I have reflected on this trial, I have realized that despite loosing a Father so young in life, my children know they were loved.  They know they were your number one priority and they were the people you wanted most to be around.  They had a wonderful example, a standard that they will hold high and seek to achieve themselves. I appreciate you reading to the boys at night.  I know you were often tired, but you sacrificed so they would have that memory with you and so that I could have a break.  Our children love to read because of you, and they will pass that on to their own children.  You taught them to work hard and then play hard, an important combination that I often lacked.  You taught me the same and hopefully I can carry on and spend the time playing with them that will keep our family close.  You always put family first and taught our kids that being together was the most fun out there.  You taught our boys how to treat women and our daughter how to expect to be treated both in the things you told them and through your actions.  As far as husbands go, you were amazing.  I think it is very rare that a wife feels as unconditionally loved and adored as I have felt for the past 20 years.  You were always on my team, you always came to bat for me, you were willing to move heaven and earth to make me smile.  You provided for us physically, emotionally and spiritually.  You stepped up and taught our children the gospel, shared your testimony with them regularly, and were the spiritual example they needed to understand how to live the gospel and make it part of their lives.  You honored your priesthood and served our family through it.  Honey, I love you more than life itself.  I miss you so much and wish desperately we could be together now.  I wish you could come and solve all of my problems and make it all better.  I am terrified to face the rest of this life on my own and to finish our work in raising the children all by myself.  I miss your encouraging words and the confidence you displayed in me.  I am grateful for our temple sealing and that you were true and faithful to those covenants.  I am grateful that those sealing powers give me opportunities to still feel a spiritual connection with you and that they still allow you to be involved in the rearing of our children.   I did sealings with Alex this week and as I knelt across the alter with him I remember just two weeks before your accident when we knelt there and I looked into your eyes and just saw absolute adoration and devotion.  I remember the spiritual impressions we shared and our anticipation at going to the temple with Alex soon.  What a tender mercy that experience was! A glimpse into the spirit world that would become much more significant to us in the coming weeks.  Alex is ready.  This experience has stretch him and prepared him to be a better missionary and a better father.  Cooper has stepped up as well- especially in dealing with Eric.  I think he is beginning to recognize the spirit's influence in helping him with Eric.  Eric needs to feel your love now more than ever.  I feel him struggling.  Please do what you can to help him.  I know you will.  I love you. Until we meet again.... 

Love, Roni

Looking Back: Seeing growth from 7 to 11 months out

Looking Back: 

Seeing growth from 7 to 11 months out

October 1, 2013

Last night  I was rereading journal entries as I searched for answers to help a newly widowed friend.  I came across this entry from 4 months ago.  It reminded me where I was in this journey then and looking back I can see now how far I have come.   

That is so encouraging to me!  

I see how the Lord is shaping me.  

I can see how those experiences made me turn more to Him, 

and I can see how turning to Him brought me the peace, comfort and 

added strength to get through these trials.  

My house still hasn't sold.  I just found out that I have to replace one of my AC units, so the the financial issues still remain.  A few weeks ago my 14 year-old slacked off with school again, but despite the problems that still remain, I have been given the ability to deal with them.  

I'm not a stressed out frazzled mess.  I am very much at peace.  

I know that the Lord is in control and I am content with that.  I have seen miracles happen in my life as He has aided me.  I don't know what the future or even tomorrow will bring, but...

• I am content to get the daily support and direction from the Lord.  
• I am content to have less things, 
• I am happier about serving others.  
• I love and empathize more deeply with people.  
• I am so much happier with the person that I am becoming than I was with myself a year ago.

Trials are hard, they are not fun,

 but I no longer wish them away.  

I know that I need them. 

So I say, "Come what may, and love it."

"Mistake to send the Hand Cart Company out so late in the season? 

Yes. But I was in that Company and my wife was in it. . . . 

I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart but my eyes saw no one. 

I knew then that the Angels of God were there.

Was I sorry that I chose to come by hand cart? 

No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. 

The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay and I am thankful

 that I was privileged to come in the Martin Hand Cart Company"

- Francis Webster, Member of the Martin Handcart company.

June 9, 2013

What a week! First 'A' hit a deer on C's birthday while driving my car.  Actually the deer hit the car on the side at the front wheel, rolled down the side taking off the front mirror and denting the door.  When I called the insurance I learned we had a 2000$ deductible and they would raise our rates 30% if I claimed it for 3 years ( totaling another 10,500$). The first appraisal was 2800$ then they called back and said they quoted the wrong mirror and it would actually be 4800$. To make matters worse R and C came down with the stomach flu.  C insisted on going out to famous Dave's for his birthday dinner and then threw it all up out the car window on the way home.  'A' power washed the car off and I cleaned the inside.

Sometimes you have to wonder why 

when it rains it always pours. 

Of course I found out about the appraisal increase minutes before I had to take E to counseling. I was upset in the car, stressed about what to do. I didn't want to go, it was such bad timing, but if you don't cancel 24 hours in advance then you still have to pay so I went anyway.  In the car I was talking to myself, 

" I'm just going to have to sell my car.  I can't afford to fix a car that costs that much."  (I was upset about that because Scott bought that car for me because I liked, and we picked it up in Germany together.  It was such a fun trip. And it is the first car I have ever really felt attached to.  I don't know if it is the car or just the jester that he did for me just to make me happy.  It wasn't practical, but I said I liked it and he bought it.).

I said I would have to drive the C class and get something different for the kids.  E piped up, 

"Oh good then I can pick what I want."  

I shot that down immediately, 

"You will have to drive whatever cheap used car I can afford." 

E replied, 

"That's not fair, A and C got to pick their cars."

Then I proceeded to tell him all the ways that life was not fair now.  When we got to the counselors we were both steaming mad.  I brought up E lying to me about stealing A's iPad to sneak watching more TV. Then the whole car conversations came up and it turned into a big yelling match.  The only good thing that came out of it was the E said that he felt that his Dad didn't love him as much as the other boys because he spent more time with them- building the car. 

 I can understand why E felt that way.  

He was just getting to the age that C was when they started the car.  It was going to be his turn to have those teenage years with his dad and he got gipped on them.  He was put off by his dad who said, 

" It will be your turn as soon as Alex is gone."  

E was also in a lot of trouble with his attitude about school, his work ethic and his lieing that was going on before Scott died.  We were both really frustrated that we couldn't help E to change and that he was so insistent on not changing.  It is very hard to watch a child make choices over and over again that you know will not bring him happiness.  I am such an anti-procrastinator that I don't deal well or understand people who are procrastinators.  Neither did Scott. Neither one of us was getting anywhere with E nor did we have a clue how to do it.  In the car ride home I apologized to E and told him that he need to talk to his dad about some of these things and forgive him.  

I told him that he would feel his dad's approval

if he would do that.  

We also talked again about lieing and how that prevented him from feeling his dad and the spirit.  I don't know? Maybe it was good after all to at least get that out.  I don't know if we are going to go back.  

While I was in counseling Alex kept texting me websites to buy the parts cheaper.  I finally told him when he called. I couldn't talk now.  For 85$ an hour, I didn't have time to deal with that too.  When I got home we looked at the site.  I decided to order the mirror parts there- it saved me 1400$.  We will see of it works out.  The reviews were either really great or really bad.  

In order to pay for the car, I decided that I needed to sell some things. I sold the pool table and then I listed all of Scott's BBQ supplies, Big Green Egg and our pool patio furniture.  I sold the Egg and all of the BBQ supplies before 8 am the next morning and the patio furniture that afternoon after just getting the deck boxes on Craig's list.  I made enough money to cover the repair for the car.  

It was a miracle how fast everything sold.  

That night I came down with the stomach flu.  I spent the next morning writhing on the bathroom floor.  A gave me a blessing and the stomach cramps calmed down.  I was able to sleep the rest of the day. That morning the guy came for the pool furniture and I had to send E out to get the rest of the money and help them load it up because I was too sick to get up and A and C had gone to SAMs to get the food for E's campout.  

When so much bad seems to pile up and everything seems to go wrong,  it causes my faith to falter. 

I start to wonder why is everything so hard?Why does it seem that everything goes wrong when I have already lost so much?What am I supposed to learn from this?Why is this better for me?  I just don't see the big picture? Show it to me so I can understand why?  

I kneel and pray and pray and pray for strength to get through each day, for peace, for acceptance of God's will.  I confirm that I know his plan has to be better than mine even if I can't see it now.  I try to trust that He will take care of us, obviously not in the way that I was planning on, but in a way that has to be better for us in the long run.  It's so hard for me as a planner to watch the weeks go by and see my house not sell. Oh, Heavenly Father help this all to work out some how and help me to be happy again.  I know I will be when this life ends, but I know I need to learn to find happiness despite all of the trials.  

I don't want my kids to remember me as a dismal, discouraged, sad mess.  

I get glimpses of it every now and then. When I think I have things under control something always spirals it out of control again.  I know I'm not as bad off as Joseph of Egypt or Joseph Smith or Job.  When I look at their lives, I see they had to wade through affliction longer than 7 months.  They weren't living in a nice house, they were in jail or had everything taken from them. All were innocent of any wrongs that caused their situations.  I was temporarily sick, I still have my children.   Things were much more lost for them and yet their experiences refined them and gave them the faith to do things later on.  

They would not have been who they became if they had not gone through the refiner's fire. 

What I really want is to be made celestial and the refiner's fire is not comfortable, but my children an I NEED this experience otherwise it would not have been given to us.  We have important things to learn so we can later do important things for the Lord. 

"Heavenly Father help strengthen my faith.  Make it sufficient to stretch through this trial.  Help the burdens to appear light that I can bear them.  Help strengthen me emotionally so I can be strong for my children.  I need strength beyond my own, I need angels beside me to help buoy me up."

  I know that I have the right to ask for that,

 and everytime I do,

 I feel the added strength that gets me through.  

Wanting Someone to Just Fix it for Me

Wanting Someone to Just Fix it for Me

My Oldest Son and His Parrot Scarlet

May 5, 2013

I had a hard week this week...

Scarlet, my oldest son's 10-year-old parrot, 

died 

and I wasn't there.

I was on the way back from St. Louis after speaking at my niece's baptism.  I was so torn about leaving when we realized she wasn't well. I felt pulled between my duty to be a mother and support to my son and to fulfill my commitment to my sister to speak.

  
Looking back... 

I knew his parrot wasn't going to make it. 

I knew that my son needed to be there, but not alone, so I left another son with him. 

I knew we needed to do all we could for her so my son would feel at peace. 

I also knew, despite my desire to stay, that he needed to do this without me.  

As a parent it is so hard to watch your child suffer 

and not be able to fix it for him. 

Even though I know that an inevitable part of life is experiencing pain, and that valuable lessons and experiences are gleaned from this, it was heart wrenching to helplessly stand by and allow it to happen. 

I suppose that is how God feels as He watches each of us, his children, suffer.   

I think my husband feels that way too... watching, hurting for us, but having to let us go through it, and not being able to just fix it. 

Many times this week I have just wanted God,

my husband, or just someone to fix it.  

It seems like nothing goes smoothly or easily.  

Ever step is an emotional, mental, or physical struggle. 

I feel overburdened, and stretched too thin.  

But even as I feel that way, I cannot deny...

 I have felt His strengthening power every time I have asked for it. 

Without the moments of despair I could not see the lifting. I would not have noticed the angels bearing me up along the way.

My thoughts are drawn to Faith....

Learning how to strengthen, and extend my faith. 

Learning how to endure and not falter in my faith. 

I have said to myself at times, 

"Okay, I think maybe I have this thing figured out."

Then something else happens, and I falter and struggle and learn the same lesson again. I find myself frustrated and chewing myself out for not getting it right the first time.  The response that has come to me is, 

"You may have learned the lesson once, but to internalize it and make it part of your character you have to experience it over and over again." 

Only through repeated exercises do my muscles become stronger. 

Only by reaching with faith, past the point I thought I was capable, do I strengthen my faith and my resolve to keep my will in line with the God's will. 

Learning to subject my will and trust completely in The Lord is a long process that takes much practice.  

I find myself trying to sort through and all of these thought and feelings I find swirling in my head.  How do I figure it all out...

• Not knowing how the story is going to be played out.
• Holding out for the happy ending I have been promised.  
• Feeling that this life is so long.
• Wondering if I will ever be happy again.  
• Hoping that I don't have to be miserable and alone for the whole time.  
• Scared that being with someone else will only make me more miserable and cause more problems with family.  
• Wishing I could trade places with Scott or at least get to him faster.
• Wanting the accelerated version of all of this.
• Just wanting it done and over.
• Fearing that when it is over that I will still feel this way. 

These are the thoughts that bring on despair and that are contrary to faith.  These are the thoughts without answers that I fight, and that I try to work out in my mind. I want to find solutions so I can be comfortable with the future. I find myself earnestly seeking spiritual inspiration and direction so that I have something to direct my hope towards. But in the meantime, while I am waiting for those answers, I know that I have to have faith that the original plan, formed by God, is better than my new mortal one.

Ultimately, I am learning to relinquish 

my desire for control and rely on The Lord. 

Waiting on the Lord is a hard thing to learn.