Getting my Heart completely in the Right Place and Trying to Fix my Mistake
It was an awesome trip with my son and sister!
I thought a lot about where my heart was and if my motives were really pure.
I think if we are not pure in our motives and our hearts
then spiritual impressions are less clear and
can even be blocked by what we want.
Previously (in the last two posts I outlined this) I had felt God tell me that our house would sell, but for a specific number that was significantly less than I owed on it. I trusted the impression and decided to be okay with selling the house for that number. I even told my relator to take an offer down to that number if one came while I was gone.
But the more I thought about it, the more I knew that a part of me was hoping by countering above that number that maybe I could get a little more money than God told me the house would sell for.
- I had rationalized that they could still counter lower and I would take it.
- I had rationalized that the extra money would pay the relator fees or possibly repairs that an inspection might find.
The more I thought about it, the more I knew I was wrong.
I spent the night apologizing to God, and promising to fix my mistake.
When we got back in cell service I called my realtor. He informed me that the people were out of town and considering what to do. I told him the whole story...
I told him about my impression that it would sell and what it would sell for.
I told him about my missionary son's impression that the house would sell before he even knew that we had shown it.
I told him about my heart not being in the right place and how I felt that I needed to fix it.
Then instead of waiting to see what they would do, I told him to call their relator and tell them we would take the lower number.
I told him that it was more important that I showed God that I trusted Him than it was that I try to get more money.
I told him several stories of how God had financially taken care of in the past. All of those stories required me to trust and act before the help came. I felt this one was no different.
He agreed to call their realtor and relay the message. After he got off the phone with me, their realtor texted him and said that they had decided to put an offer on another less expensive home. He called him and relayed my message. After talking to his clients about the new offer they said they would consider it if things did not work out with the other house.
I spent a few days feeling bad and beating myself up a little.
I didn't feel bad because our house had not sold...
I felt bad because I knew that I messed it up because I was being greedy.
I wasn't trusting God... not completely.
I was mad at myself for not seeing that more clearly earlier.
I WANT guidance in my life from God... I NEED guidance, and I put myself in a place where I could not receive it well because my heart was too set on money.
There I go building my own safety net again!
You think I would know better by now!
I have spent a lot of time apologizing and praying.
I knew I needed to write this post, admit my mistake and eat a little crow.
No, I do not think so, but I have put myself in a place to feel a lot more stress and grief because my motives were not pure.
Maybe if they had been, things would have gone easier.
Instead, I needed to learn this lesson. One thing is for sure...
I'm NOT DOING THIS AGAIN! It's totally not worth it!
My missionary son in Chile reminded me of something that I had momentarily forgotten in all of the beating myself up.
"Don't worry Mom," he said, "The more things that happen to me, the more I realize that God has taken into account our own mistakes. He still had a plan for you and for the house. I trust you entirely to handle it, Mom. Entirely. You are on top of this mom. Follow the spirit and do everything you can. Love you so much."It's nice to have your son trust you, especially when you are not sure you trust yourself.
So this morning I spent a little extra time in bed praying, and I felt at peace.
I knew everything would be okay.
Maybe they will still come back and buy the house and maybe we will have to do God's plan B to fix my mistake, but I have learned an important lesson...
TRUST God 100% and ACT according to that trust IMMEDIATELY. Sometimes we miss out on opportunities when we are not immediately obedient.