After months of anxiety and worry, I finally took a step forward and did something that I was petrified to do. Yesterday we made the first video in a series called "Talking about Grief and Loss" for our website! For a long time now, I have known that we needed to do these, but I was absolutely petrified. I didn't know the first thing about making videos, how we would fund them, what we would say, and how I could organize the whole thing from Missouri.
The logistics involved and personally feeling self-conscious was causing me real panic. Even after following promptings to blog and create this website I was struggling following this new and scary idea. I had hit a wall. My confidence was wavering and so I just kept dragging my feet.
Ignoring this prompting, I kept praying, "What am I supposed to do next?" I felt stuck and directionless with no new ideas were coming in, and I was quickly loosing my purpose. I rationalize that it was just the stress and emotions surrounding the holidays and my son's wedding, but that all ended and I found myself still staring at the wall.
I finally realized I wasn't going to get anything new until I followed through on the direction I had already received. Somehow I had hoped that I could bypass that prompting and get something else to do instead.
Fortunately for me, God is patient and kind and He gave me little experiences to confirm my original feelings and to get me going. Miraculously, I met a widow who showed me how to use Google hangouts on Air to do exactly what we wanted to do without any cost.
One problem was solved...
Now I just needed to move past my fear. Fortunately my two friends, were feeling the same prompting and they nudged me a long.
Again and again I learn...
The first step in the dark is always the hardest one.
It's the one that demonstrates trust in God and faith in the direction He has given us. I was waiting for something to just fall in my lap or for an easier way, but that's not how faith works. It's not how it grows.
And so we decided to try...
On our first attempt we couldn't get Ashlee's audio to work. I was frustrated and I felt that we were being thwarted. After several hours we gave up on recording and decided to just do a dry run on the phone. As we talked about our topic, I felt reassured. I could see that this was going to work. We ended the session with each of us having assignments to pray for help to figure out our technical difficulties.
On our second attempt the previous problems were solved, but we faced some new issues. We didn't give up, and we even said a prayer for help during our conference. Ideas came, and we got it to work. Yes!
As I re-watched the videos, I noted areas where we could improve, but I felt and saw a power to really help people with what we were doing. All of my impressions were confirmed… This is really what we needed to do, and in the end God really helped it to come together.
Ironically our topic for the first video was Trusting God. This whole effort had been a reminder to me of my need to constantly trust Him.
Why did I doubt? Why did I worry about my own inadequacies? Why did I not trust that He would make up the difference? Why did I not had faith that he would magnify and multiply my efforts and make my offering enough?
I could see how this experience and many others over the last three years have repeatedly taught me the lesson to simply Trust Him and move forward.
If we really want to learn to trust God, we have to choose to take that leap.
Action creates an experience and from past experiences we gain the confidence to take future leaps. In time, we become more comfortable taking larger steps in the dark.
So, if you are facing tasks that seem overwhelming, I hope you can use my experience or experiences from your past to give you the courage to take that first scary step. Trust that He is there to make up the difference. As you move forward, I promise, He will have your back.
Questions to Ponder:
- What experiences in your past have taught you to trust God?
- How can you use past experiences to help you have courage to do difficult things?
Check out the first video in our series:
"How Does Trusting God Help You Better Deal with Grief?"
Visit our website through the links above and subscribe to our youtube channel if you would like to see more.