Principle 10- Creating Our Character

  Principle 10

        We must make faith, prayer, love, and humility

a living part of our individual character

The power of gospel teachings to expand and enlarge our capacity is not apparent until we consistently allow the Holy Spirit to make them part of our daily practice.

God forges our personal character

 as we sincerely serve others

It is only by DOING the things the Lord counsels us to do that we are given the capacity and understanding we need. This is the leap of faith. DO FIRST AND THEN RECEIVE.

A testimony is the very essence of character woven from threads born of COUNTLESS CORRECT decisions. These choices are made with trusting faith in things that are believed, and at least initially, are not seen.

     CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY

A testimony gives PEACE, COMFORT, and ASSURANCE as we develop a conviction that OBEDIENCE to the teachings of the Savior will create a beautiful life, secure future, and the capacity to overcome challenges.

                            A testimony grows from:

1. Understanding truth through prayer

2. Pondering scriptural doctrine

3. Living those truths with faith           

Learn how to live the commandments when there is no pressure on you. 

Develop a strong character by practicing standards and consistently making correct choices. Then in an emergency situation, your training will kick in and you will come out unscathed. 

When the principles of the Gospel have become such a part of who you are, 

you will see miracles produced. 

My thoughts: Many times people who are in difficult situations look back and regret the choices they made. I find that is often the product of not having thought through their response to those situations beforehand. I was always taught to set my standards and make my decisions before I was placed in the situation. We can be stronger than we think. Adequate preparation and consistent righteous living WILL forge a character capable of withstanding and then pressure. Like the parable of the 10 virgins, we cannot borrow oil from another's lamp. We must have our own reserve developed. There are times of ease in our lives when we have the opportunity to build up those stores of oil. Often instead we choose to spend our time "in fun and entertaining" but eternally worthless pursuits. Then in times of trial we find our stores lacking.  In a last ditch effort, we run off to try to buy more oil, but we find that our preparation is too late. It's great to read and study about spiritual principles. It's good to go to church once a week and hear them preached from the pulpit, but until we actually internalize them and make them part of us, they will do us no good. Many of us even know this, yet we make no attempts to change. We procrastinate our days away. This time of year is a great time to renew our resolve to be better. If this has been the prior pattern of your life, then make the decision to change it today. I have not been perfect in this principle in my life, yet I am grateful that I had a store of oil when my husband died. It has made all the difference. 

Don't Lose Hope: Dissipating Despair and Discouragement

Don't Lose Hope: Dissipating Despair and Discouragement 

I thought I was doing so well and that I had this grief thing licked, then I had a trigger set me off.

Last night my brother-in-law called with news from the NTSB about their report on the plane crash.  As we talked I expressed my faith in God's plan for our family and that this accident had an important purpose and was meant for our learning and growth.  After I hung up the phone, I went downstairs to talk to my boys.  I again expressed the same thoughts to them with more emotions rising to the surface this time.  After telling them good night, I found myself closing the den doors and sinking to the floor in tears.

  The despair over this old wound being opened began

 to consume me and I openly sobbed. 

I called and talked to a friend who comforted me with some scriptures to read and then I called another widow whose husband had also died in a plane crash.  We discussed and expressed confusion with the findings.  We talked about our futures and conversations that we had had with other widows who had remarried and still were struggling missing their husbands and with trying to blend families.

  Everything just looked bleak and hopeless.  

As I climbed into bed, despair and discouragement overwhelmed my thoughts.  I read some of the scriptures that my first friend suggested and I felt some better.  I began to pray and pray for help until I finally drifted off to sleep....

Normally I would wake to a new day, but today the feeling of despair and discouragement lingered.  

The weather had canceled early morning seminary for my children so they got up a little later than usual.  My best friend who normally runs with me did not call because of the late start and because I was getting over the flu.  

After my kids left I crawled back into bed- 

something I have never done except when I was ill.  

I just wanted to talk to Scott.  I missed him so very much.  Finally at 10:00 my friend called and I pulled myself out of bed.  We ran and I talked things out.  We grabbed some lunch and I came home to fold clothes.  Still the feeling would not leave.  I thought, 

"What is wrong with me?  This never lingers this long."  

Then I realized that I was not following my normal "get out of grief routine."  I had talked to all of my friends, but I hadn't spent some time really studying the scriptures and the words of the prophet for comfort.  I needed to do that and really get on my knees.

I thought of a talk about Hope from General Conference that I had read and highlighted shortly after Scott's death.  I had sent a quote from that talk to some friends in the morning as an inspirational thought, but I realized that I really need to delve into it again. This is what I learned, and this is how I turned my head around....

THE POWER OF HOPE VIDEO CLIP

Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness. 

"Hope is a gift of the Spirit. This kind of hope is both a principle of promise as well as a commandment, and, as with all commandments, we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope." 

If hope is a gift, then it is something we have to pray and ask for.

But Why Then Is There Despair?

What is the key to healing or getting through difficulties?

What is the key to healing or 

getting through difficulties?

When life seems to be falling in around us, the world tells us to spend more time on ourselves, to focus our efforts inward.  People tell us we need more pampering, more leisure, or more 'me time.'  "Give yourself permission" to just focus on you is the universal message.  I can not tell you how many people have given me this counsel over the last year.

I can tell you this... I have found the opposite to be true.  

When people hear about how I am trying to focus on helping lift others, they often respond... "I'm worried about you."  "I don't think it's healthy to take on other people's problems at this time." "I'm afraid your not spending enough time on you, and that you aren't giving yourself time to heal."

To this I honestly reply,  "This is what is helping me heal!  You ask me why I am doing so well.  This is the reason why.  When you focus your efforts on others, the Lord blesses you with added strength, comfort and understanding."  I read this talk today by the 5th president of our church,  Lorenzo Snow.  I thought, AHH HA!  I finally have proof of this principle from someone else, and not just anyone, but a prophet of God.  I wanted to share some of his quotes with you, because this is a principle that people can follow regardless of wether you are a member of our church or now.  Truth is truth, and it is universal.  I hope you will internalize and use this principle to help you get through hardships in your life.

MY EXPERIENCE....

Hints of the Future

Hints of the Future...

Some people view God as an outside being who watches our lives from a distance, an entity that is far too concerned with the general picture of humanity to get involved with the individual details of our personal lives. I would like to suggest that perhaps it is not god that is too occupied or indifferent, but that we are too busy and self-absorbed to notice his hand in our lives. 

I have been reflecting a lot on that influence in my life throughout the years. I sense a divine current exists to guide me and shape me. Not only is that influence apparent after the fact, that I think God often prepares us for future events. Now I'm not saying that God predestines our lives. I very firmly believe that we all have agency to choose the path that we will follow. But I do believe that God will lead us beforehand to find the path that is best for us. Listening and recognizing those directions can help prepare us and lead us in the way we should go. We have to be doing what's right and we have to ask in order to qualify for that direction.

Here are some specific examples from my life...

When I was in third grade I knew I would marry my husband. I wrote it in my journal and told my family and friends.  They smiled and chuckled at a silly little girl's thoughts. Years pass and despite the lack of belief from others, I held firmly to my convictions. It was as if I remembered a truth from long ago. When my husband returned from his LDS mission at age 21, we finally dated for the first time. After only three dates we both knew we were to marry. "Crazy," some people would say or "completely coincidental." I might agree if this was only a single occurrence, but it is the pattern that has emerged in my life. 

When we were engaged, I told my husband we would have several boys with a girl at the end. An experience I had when I was younger had left me with that impression. I remember he looked at me skeptically. As many of you know, we had three boys and a daughter at the end. Before my daughter was conceived, I went out and bought pink baby clothes. My husband found them stashed underneath my bed and confronted me with the purchase. He was seriously concerned that he was going to have to have me committed if our last baby was not a girl! Fortunately for me it was just as I had always thought. I knew that it was time for her to come.

After we finished medical school I felt an impending doom that a large trial was coming my way. It scared me, and I really wished to be able to avoid it. I thought perhaps that if I was really, really good that the Lord would spare me from it. For a long time I've struggled untill I finally came to the understanding that such experiences were necessary for my growth and development. That I could not learn the needed lessons any other way.

That night when Scott and his dad took off to come home I was walking with my children on the Galloway Trail. I was filled with so much love and gratitude for them. I remember feeling so very happy as I watch them play with and enjoy each other. Then thought into my mind, "If something happened to Scott, you would be okay. This would be enough. You could be happy." We reached the car and I picked up my phone to read the last text my husband sent me. "Love you, taxing." The next morning when I found out they had not landed in Omaha I was reminded of that prompting the night before. It prepared me for what I needed to face. All along the promptings of the Spirit has prepared me for what was coming or for choices that were important for me to make. 

I would not have been prepared to get married at age 18 right after graduating high school. But the little amount of time that we had necessitated that. Having grown up with all sisters, I might have been disappointed to have sons. But because I knew that, I was prepared for that as well. 

To be honest, most of the hints or impressions that the Lord leaves me are not so far in the future. Most of the time they are given him a moment that they are needed or only slightly before. As I listen to keep those impressions more given and I am glad carefully through the fog of life. I have watched that happen this year. 

Not everything has been given me for the future that lies ahead, but I have some hints and I am following those to be better prepared and to help my children be better prepared. 

What I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that God cares about us individually.  If we turn to him then he can literally orchestrate our lives. We can always choose to follow a different path, but I know that his path helps us to find the most happiness. 

To be honest, some of the impressions I have felt about my future scare me to death! They are not what I would have planed, and I wonder if I will be equal to the task. Despite those fears of inadequacy, I know that the Lord has given those impressions to me so that I can adequately prepare myself. I know if I turn to Him, in the strength of the Lord I can accomplish all things. Setting my fears aside and moving forward in faith is a hard and difficult thing to do, but I see glimpses of a happy, rewarding, joyful future if I am obedient. In my mind as I go through scenarios, I am always left with the final thought, "How could I choose to do anything different than what the Lord asks me to do? Scott and I have already agreed to this difficult path so that we could learn and grow and help other people. What's the point in changing that direction now?"

Reflections on a consecrated Life...

Reflections on a consecrated Life... 

“A prophet of God has said: ‘Men are that they might have joy’—a joy that includes a fullness of life, a life dedicated to service, to love and harmony in the home, and the fruits of honest toil—an acceptance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ—of its requirements and commandments.

Each time as I have struggled and fought to understand the purpose of my trials, and as I have gone through inner battles desiring things to turn our differently, I have ultimately come to the same conclusion.  Fighting against God's will just gets you really, really tired, but it changes nothing.  Only when we ultimately turn our will over to Him,  trust His plan, and try to work with Him do we actually begin to get somewhere.

In conjunction with my study about turning my will over to the Lord, I have thought a lot about the word ''consecrated.'  In our church we promised to consecrate ourselves to the Lord. That does not mean that we leave family and occupation only to serve in the church, but that we choose to dedicate all that we are and can become to helping do the Lord's work in our daily lives.  We do that in our families, with friends and in the community. By so doing this we grow closer to the Lord and find JOY in His service.  

Matthew 25:40

40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me

I have found great direction, peace and hope in attempting to more fully consecrate myself and who I can become to God.

“Life offers you two precious gifts—one is time, the other freedom of choice, the freedom to buy with your time what you will. "
“Every day, every hour, every minute of your span of mortal years must sometime be accounted for. And it is in this life that you walk by faith and prove yourself able to choose good over evil, right over wrong, enduring happiness over mere amusement. And your eternal reward will be according to your choosing."
"True success in this life comes in consecrating our lives—that is, our time and choices—to God’s purposes (see John 17:1, 4; D&C 19:19). In so doing, we permit Him to raise us to our highest destiny." - D. Todd Christopherson

5 Elements of a consecrated life

purity

work

respect for one's physical body

service

integrity

How Do You Give Thanks in All Things?

How Do You Give Thanks in All Things?

I have told people before that I am grateful for this trial.  That statement is either received with looks of shock or awe.  I do not intend to inspire either feeling, but to convey my understanding for the purpose of trials.

The year before Scott died, I wanted to be a better person. I was praying to be a better person, praying for more charity, for more empathy, for me to feel more love for others in my life.  I was praying to feel for settled and at peace with my life, for a feeling of purpose and acceptance with God.  I was trying to achieve those things to.  Going through the motions of listening to more spiritual things, forcing myself to do more service, but I didn't feel that I was moving anywhere.  Then my husband died.....

At first I thought, did I pray for this trial to happen?  In time I  have concluded that is not the way that God works;  this trial was part of a master plan formed long before the words of those prayers.  The desires in those prayers were simply the Spirit prompting me to prepare my heart for the things I needed to learn.

Looking back a year ago at my last Thanksgiving, I see a tremendous change in myself.  Not just in the grief, because that was truly profound at that time, but in the person who existed before the accident.  

I am not that same girl... and I am glad for that.  

I am thankful that the girl who has replaced her is further along the road in obtaining those desires that I was praying for.  I thankful that she is more in tune to the spirit and what the Lord wants her to do.  I am thankful to be living each day with faith and hope in the Lord's plan for my life.

I would like to share some quotes and scriptures given by Dallin H Oaks in a conference talk back in 2003.  Elder Oaks is well aquainted with trials, having lost his father at a young age and then later in life his wife.  Elder Oaks watched his young widowed mother's example.  This is what he said of her...

"Nevertheless, I often heard her say that the Lord consecrated that affliction for her gain because her husband’s death compelled her to develop her talents and serve and become something that she could never have become without that seeming tragedy. Our mother was a spiritual giant, strong and fully worthy of the loving tribute her three children inscribed on her headstone: “Her Faith Strengthened All.”

Last March I attended an LDS Widows/ Widowers conference in Utah where Elder Oak's older brother spoke of his mother.  His words inspired me at the time to put myself back together and start to set a better example of faith.  Elder Oaks went on in his talk to share some scriptures...

"The revelations, for which we are grateful, show that we should even give thanks for our afflictions because they turn our hearts to God and give us opportunities to prepare for what God would have us become. " 

The Lord taught the prophet Moroni, “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble,” and then promised that “if they humble themselves … and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).  

In the midst of the persecutions the Latter-day Saints were suffering in Missouri, the Lord gave a similar teaching and promise: “Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;… and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good” (D&C 98:1, 3). 

And to Joseph Smith in the afflictions of Liberty Jail, the Lord said, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:7). 

Brigham Young understood. Said he, “There is not a single condition of life [or] one hour’s experience but what is beneficial to all those who make it their study, and aim to improve upon the experience they gain”  

If we truly understand the Lord’s teachings and promises, we will learn and grow from our adversities. We will let them change and refine us into better people.  Instead of just persevering through our trials we will actively allow them to purify us.  

"When we give thanks in all things, we see hardships and adversities in the context of the purpose of life. We are sent here to be tested. There must be opposition in all things. We are meant to learn and grow through that opposition, through meeting our challenges, and through teaching others to do the same."

That process of teaching and helping others bring fulfillment and joy into our lives.  We feel God's love more fully!  We understand that our life here is not about acquiring things and self- gratification, but about acquiring the ability to unselfishly love and serve others.

So I am filled with gratitude for so many things.  I feel to fall to my knees daily to thank that Lord for the many blessings that He has given me.  I do not feel slighted; I feel blessed. I know that I will see my husband again, and that will be a glorious, wonderful reunion.  I look forward to that day with hope, yet I remain committed to finish my work here while he is doing his there.  I am committed to letting this trial and future trials shape me into the woman who will be able to fall at her Savior's feet and express her appreciate to Him who has given her everything.

My Gray Day

My Gray Day

Yesterday was kind of a gray day for me.  I say gray because it wasn't a dark day.  Thankfully I seemed to have moved past those now, but it definitely wasn't a sunny day either.  I just felt kind of 'blah' all day long.  I know the rain, and cold and the cloud cover outside were not helping my emotional status, but it was more than that.  I was tired, having had only 3 hours of sleep the night before, but my mind was also a little troubled.  Not being able to do the yard work I had planned, I decided to tackle some of the boxes of photos I intended to get scrapbooked this winter.  Going through the pictures didn't seem to help.  I was reminded of times and memories when Scott was present and that continued to add to my sadness.  Scrapbooking isn't hugely mentally engaging, so I let my mind wander far to much to the future and to worries and concerns about what may happen in the next few years.  So many things to think about and wrap my head around.  So many roads to take and options and wondering which one the Lord will lead me down.  So many FEARS.  Can I really do what the Lord wants me to?  Will I be strong enough for the task at hand?  I know I need to stay in the present and just NOT go there yet.  The answers are not coming, the time is not right to know them yet, but my curiosity leads me to this place every now and then.

Since the one year mark, I have felt  an excited anticipation for the coming year and the big changes looming before me.  Most days that has been more like waiting for Christmas because I have felt these will be good, happy changes.  Today I was focusing on the difficulties I would encounter with those changes.  I don't know why I expect to have a free ride for the rest of my life.  I know that loosing a husband doesn't give me a 'trials exempt' card, nor do I really want it to be the case. At one time I had hoped it would, but I have learned that is not what this life is about.  This life is about learning what we need to learn through those trials and letting those trials refine and shape us so we can become who the Lord wants us to become.  We came here for this purpose, so why would I want an "exempt' card from the very experiences I came to have?  Because every now and then I let the mortal part of me take over and worry.  I turn from faith to fear.

After a day of pondering and scenario building I called a close widow friend of mine.  She said, "Veronica, don't go there. STAY IN THE PRESENT."